the last drop

---

she is dressed in a plain white top, blue tight jeans, preppy black sandals and wearing make-up. There is the slight frown that gives her perfectly proportioned face poignancy, and her vaguely sarcastic delivery is softened by her deep brown eyes. In conversation she is thoughtful, engaging and open.Her appeal is undeniable.

That day,He was mesmerised and he wished he wasn't wearing that stupid shirt.He was amazed to discover that, when he was saying "you look beautiful", what he meant was, "I love you." And even more amazing was the day he realized he truly loved her.

---

P.S.
----
BEARHugs to all my readers.People who connected with me and felt what i felt.
Take care "rainboy" will miss ya all.
xoxo

nearing the end(updated)

---

i was a sketch of a shooting star

she..
wanted a photograph. :(

---

swaying in the wind
beneath the moon,the sun
thinking about him and her
rolling around the scars
watching the shadows and the stars

sounds of pain
drops in the breeze
stories they told
about the one put on hold
itching to succeed

trying hard to hide tears
standing on the roof
among the fog
he doesn't belong here
fearing the fear
swinging his way
without so much as a sound

the air gets denser
around the throat
soon the rain will fall
to finish it all

he's similar to soaring kite
he never gives up
a Rajput
fighting till last breath is his plight

P.S.

---

The next post will be my last one for this blog.Will take a break from blog ville for sometime.But i will come back with another blog.
Leaving for delhi tomorrow so won't be replying.
take care guys i love you ;D
Don't forget to comment on the poems

---

the cold and fan and blanket
stuffed pillow,white sheet
staring at the ceiling
dark as hell
everything is calm
there's no sound
drowned in dream
just woke up a bit shaken

midnight flower

midnight flower in snowy times
bewitching enchanting fetching shine
drenched for long
in the thoughts of wrong
smells of a love song
can' take you out of mind
trying to keep the horse steady
clinging on to the petals
delaying the unenvitiable
like clouds-the rainmaker
walking with silhouettes,talking to walls
acting cozy and nice
A midnight flower of her time
treasures of memory trunks
raindrops on the tin
the hangout the haunt
little small things
the cuteness in a teddy bear
the silence of raging ocean
A midnight flower of her time
the innocence,the laughter the smile
Now,eyelids are going to fall
so i say sweet dreams to this midnight beauty
"Until next time"
always in the memory trunks.

untitled

Am I trying too hard to make me forget you
cause these eyes are tired
and I just want to sleep you off already
It's my poems and I standing up to the world!
I know you hate that part
cause you had loved once.....

it's raining

sticking the segments together
keeping them apart
painting pictures,
on the walls of my heart
mixture of pain and rain
stuck in here for so long
maybe i let them stay more

it's been ages
lack of action on my part
the time is ripe
feeling the hunger
the need,the crave
have been smelling the rain for too long

sucking every drop of the rain
releasing them here,
so that till eternity i stare
the time maybe near
thinking about words i should have said
the miles i didn't drive
hope you come back and forgive me
i miss looking into your eyes,the smile
the smell of the earth,
the smell of your hair

please don't go away ,
don't leave me like this
it's raining,,
and i don't want to walk alone....

staying awake till the sunrise
hoping my eyes open to a surprise.

the beer and a guitar

fiddling with memories and the rain
all of it
the calls,the talks,
the minutes,the hours,
the smiling moments
odd or even,
smiling or crying
the images,
they will not live forever

the thoughts of a random play,
the attraction,the temptation
and seducing vibes
leave me startled and foolish
speculating your origins'
your ways,your thoughts
what's in me..that you see???

veins on fire
parched mouth
thirsty soul
seeking the rain
shiny eyes
magic of sight,
lost in the night
wanting
a tattoo or a scar,
the beer and a guitar...

near and distant

floating around
listening to roxy sounds
dead mind is plain blank
the parity of clouds
when they spit,they scream
scattered drops,lightning and the flakes
making hissing noises
they fall,they touch,
silently into the night
pulsing perception
relations and bonds
both near and distant
reasons and causes
have similar patterns


You know, I had a pimple om my nose when I was a teenager and I tried
so hard to cover it up, and then years later I had another pimple and I
didn't feel like covering it up at all. That's the difference between
being 18 and being where i am now. I was so busy covering my
insecurities that it made them stick out more. Today I just walk in and
announce them.so let me talk about moving on...
Sure I've thought about it.If I could ever meet the right sort of girl.
Aw, where you gonna find her? Somebody that's real. Somebody that's
alive. They don't come that way anymore. Have I ever thought about it?
I've even been sucker enough to make plans. You know, I saw picture of
a resort in mexico on facebook once. I've never been able to forget it.
That's where I'd like to take her. She'd have to be the sort of a girl
who'd... well, who'd jump in the surf with me and love it as much as I
did. You know, nights when you and the moon and the water all become
one. You feel you're part of something big and marvelous. That's the
only place to live... where the stars are so close over your head you
feel you could reach up and stir them around. Certainly, I've been
thinking about it. Boy, if I could ever find a girl who was hungry for
those things...
It's just that anytime I hang on to any bit of hope it slips away from me.
When your life is defined by a single action, it changes the concept of time.
when i was child,i thought being brave meant that you had to take action.
That to have a dream and get forward in life you need courage.
But the only thing you need courage for, is for standing still.
if i had to,
I’d wipe out the whole planet to get her back.

be the knowledge
be the drop
that fills the ocean
upto the brim
that moment,that instant
the heaven belongs to you

Happy B'day Dad

miss those days
when i was child
i looked up to you
the shining sun,
in the dark clouds
you fulfilled my every wish

regret those days when..
i should have stayed silent
i yelled at you
as u tried to tell me what to do
didn't listen to what you spoke
in those moments i know your heart broke

wish i could make it right
and avoid all those fights
wish you were here
to kill the pain
and walk with me in the rain




Today is my dad's birthday and this is the sixth year since he passed away.I have so many things to tell him and questions to ask. We were so much alike that we basically clashed and held a strong dislike for the other.At one point in my life, I worried that I hated him.And I often felt certain that he hated me.It was all emotional and all consuming, though in the moment I did not realize the extent. It was all his fault anyways, he was the reason why I was genetically made the way I was made.I inherited every aspect of this man. And I don't think I often let him forget that. I never once thought of how all of this was from his side of the fence. I only think of that now - after his life is all said and done, with so many things left unsaid and undone.It kills me to think of how easily things could have been so much different. I want to say that I loved him so much and I didn't tell him enough......now,there never is enough I love you's even if I said it everyday and every hour. I really hate the people who have trashed him in life now come to me and say how sorry they are. How hypocritical.It's tough missing him everyday.....But I know he would want me to keep my chin up, so Dad that's what I am going to do.....for you.............I love you so much....I am glad you were there Dad,to teach me about right and wrong, about family, and dedication, and honesty.
You are not here anymore but your words of wisdom, your unconditional love, your joy, your laughter is always in my memories.

Happy Birthday Dad

high moments

cold green mountains
solitude of crowded air
trembling hands
clinking glasses
dancing bottles
soda and whiskey
lighting cigarettes
beer,peanuts
bonfire under the stars
something about an escape with friends
something about these high moments

exhaling

saw the darkness shine
knowingly embraced it
souvenirs around eyes
exhaling the pain
not making any sense
pretending to understand,
Loneliness in numbers..
the night and the unrest..
no pushing, no struggle
moving slowly
soon he'll be back in race

Still reading course books, not understanding a word. Re-reading the same lines, forgetting where I left off. Still not undertstanding. Once again, the same thoughts.
all the shit that happened?I know,he knows..It was just shit that happened,right?And now i did like to know that me stuck here and too many fucking months have gone by to..
fuck it's so corny to..to make up for the lost fucking time.

it's a play

crying and crying,
the wretched juvenile
an stuttering heart,
things fallen apart
uncared and experienced with age,
ain't no fury,ain't no rage
winding-up the rains
air filled with the smell
embracing the raindrops
they fall in the night
clouds cannot hold
tears of the time
it's a play and i am the mime

Millions of seconds of her, I have locked her in every place you can think off,
i have never been the playboy or the flirty ass.
for me... me it is just about security and commitment and whatever the fuck else!
When you're young, not much matters. When you find something that you care about, then that's all you got. When you go to sleep at night you dream of her. When you wake up it's the same thing. It's there in your face. You can't escape it.
Sometimes when you're young the only place to go is inside..inside to hide. That's just it -she is what I love. Take her away from me and I really got nothing.

the faded dreams
there's no beauty to them
unlike the faded jeans
trying to redraw them
those moments,that time
wind flowing through your hair
when there was nothing in sight,but you
maybe one day dreams will come true

his love would stay forever,as it's true!

love stained force
drowning the ritual of purity!
refused and ruined
the forsaken being,
lets no memory escape
the love blot,
affecting me
with times that never happened

He's not a saddist, just a brokenheart.And his problem happens to be love. He has no control over this, this evil thing inside, the fire, the voices, the torment!It's there all the time, driving him out to wander the streets, following me, silently, but I can feel it there. It's me, pursuing myself! I want to escape, to escape from myself! But it's impossible. I can't escape, I have to obey it. I have to run, run... endless streets. I want to escape, to get away! And I'm pursued by ghosts. Ghosts of memories and of those moments... they never leave me. They are always here...always, always, always...except when I do workouts,Then I can't remember anything. And afterwards they are back! But no one understands me. Who knows what it's like to be me? How I'm forced to act... how I must, must... don't want to, must! Don't want to, but must! And then a voice screams! I can't bear to hear it! I can't go on! I can't... I can't...

Quote from "REVOLVER":
=====================
The greatest con, that he ever pulled... was making you believe... that he is you.

He

he's seen every kind of emotion, pain, sadness, and betrayals. He's full of love,sadness,harmony,honesty and benevolence. His blurts are facts,acclaiming her,an atheist,elegant,arrogant, and heartbroken; chalking out his future;he breaks rules;at times his actions are silly,false,cold,heartless and mean.
The price of love.You've got the glory, you gotta take the little heartaches that go with it. Now look at me: I've got no love, I've got no glory, I've got no romance, I've got no happiness! But I've got - ....what have I got?

home is just a broken bottle
anyplace to put up your feet
scraping along carpet imprint
jaw pried open
hard to get a nap in here

FAv Quote From "REVOLVER":
=========================
One thing I've learned in the last seven years: in every game and con there's always an opponent, and there's always a victim. The trick is to know when you're the latter, so you can become the former.

the problem child

the problem child
all my life
ran through frights
i was the one
the lightening beam,
the pure morning breeze,
caressing your lovely face
now i am
the black dog,
crying in the night
the high tide on the rise
erupting volcano,raging rapid,
the face of evil
the eye of dark
the good gone bad
or the bad gone good

i have my reasons
and the heart is boiling angry in the fry pan of the disillusioned love
but i don't really mind the smell
theirs winter in a daydream and i awake to snowy nightmares
what a beautiful existence from behind the telephone pole jungles
you see me writing about love and her.They come on to tell me the true meaning of it all,change your attitude for the rest of the life and be nice to bums and submit to bla bla and compliment your friends bla bla blah .I really can't stand because folks if mythical personalities can pretend to have a soul then so can I.

P.s.
====
This is my fourth post today..Still i haven't been able to let it all out.I want an awakening under blue skys and a beautiful array of birds.

what have i become??

when we talked
i didn't just heard her
i felt her

There was a time, a time before love. When he reigned supreme. When he believed everything he did. This was an age when he didn't allowed anyone to come close to his heart. And in time,she came,swept his off his feet,she was more then the rest.?Her name was *****. She was like a angel walking amongst mere mortals.She had a voice that could make his heart dance and adrenalin pumping. In other words,she was the one. You know how when someone is like the sun shining on you - the approval, all the "You're so wonderful"? That's what it was like when I was with her.

He'll see her again tonight in dreamland. But his dreamshows makes my eyes rain! And they said crying is for little girls.

Vicky gazes at these mountains of love
dreaming of smiles with wine dark eyes
pebbles have fallen over the ledge
infinite miles of road ahead
dreamt of dining under starry beaches
not remembering history
that this way lies nothing but dead ends

He not talking
not happy
not here
just someone
for everyone
for an escape
for freedom
turned to ash
dangling from a cigarette
used up and wasted
hell is what he tasted...
anything but this i cry anything but this

P.S.
====
This is a "private" room of mine.Out of curiosity everyone wants to walk through a door marked "private."
for me being in love is like @#%$@.I am friendless, brainless, helpless, hopeless!
I will never love again.Look, I don't mean to be rude guys but this is not as easy as it looks!
I have already posted three posts today,and i want to write more...my mind is so fucked up right now.

billion thoughts

there’s billion thoughts
storming in ma mind

Is there a GOD?
so waht are we but a mockery
some experiment
he plays games
we are toys
God laughs as he watches our lives
until he gets bored
If everything is GOd's plan
then why death is spread through sex
and nearly everything gives you cancer

How to recognize the eyes that lie?
ppl who betray,play me
to tame the plague of slander
seduce the beast whilst god feasts
and live in the love you hand him

within it all
or maybe under
someone snores
and roars with thunder

seven pence nonsense
this is all too raw for me
I just want to live within your face
where all the words are free

there’s a true child
and a cold hand
in a battlefield
with will to stand

Tequila

no one who likes the Tequila's
can be all bad

well, maybe good-bad
but not evil

the naked truth

The following is based on actual events.The names,locations and events nothing have been changed.
If the following post hurts anyone then please try to see that i tried to write the truth.Hope u understand.There's no rain this time...it's uncensored talk.You have been warned.


Yesterday night at hit's party after having some 60 ml drinks,Somehow we started talking about girls and virginity.
------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

A:if you deflower a girl,man.. you're the man. No one can ever do that again. You're the only one. No one, no one, has the power to do that again.
hit: Right. The way I see it. My outlook on the situation. It's like getting fame, you know what I'm saying? Say you was to die tomorrow right, fifty years from now all the virgins you ever fucked are gonna remember you. Right? They gonna tell their grandkids about that shit.
H: Virgins. I love 'em. No diseases, no loose as a goose pussy, no skank. No nothin. Just pure pleasure.
Me: Why you do this?
A: For the same reason ..other men do it.
Me:Don't u regret it,just using all those girls like things.
hit:bro,we ain't raping them.They want us to deflower them.Some are complicated, like the Da Vinci Code, except harder to crack.
H:it's the economics of the arrangement.it's Intimacy without intricacy.
Me:Why do they do it..and you use them..it feels a bit strange ..that's all.I never think of girls that way.
hit:You fall in love that's why..
Me:Don't you??
hit:I loved once, now it's just lust.
H:I was like you too,but when she ditched me..i changed.You will change too with time....
Me:hah..you are wrong..i am stronger than you all.I don't think of them as peices of meat.It's coz of guys like you(pointing to hit and H) that girls think nice guys like me have those intentions.
H:hit you know,this guy turned down a blow job from this girl, mid-blowjob. You know how hard that is for a man? It's called blue balls. He's like Gandhi! But better - he likes
puppets!Stupid..asshole.
hit:How can you do that vicky?You gay or what?
Me:I love "You know whom" and i will never cheat on her.
hit:you fuckin fuck..,she doesn't even love you..open your eyes..njoy the world..taste the cherry.
A:Okay, okay, okay, pump the brakes.
H:yeah man leave it..he will understand us one day.All of us are like this.You can't deny what you are.It's inside you.It will come out one day.
Me:You really want to have this conversation? Do you really want to have this conversation?
A: i said leave it..damn it.WE are here to party..stop man.Let's talk about something else.
hit:[pouring whisky in glasses]Alcohol is the answer to life's all problems.
A:come morning your headache will remind you..

After that we just had our dinner and came back home.But it got me thinking ...not if i didn't knew..but this time i felt how screwed up the world is.
Not only these but majority of guys i know(even the married ones) are like that.They cheat on their gf and wives.I was listening to them yesterday and all that time i was thinking...have all the men become animals..or they were always like that??
I love myself for what i am and i know i will never change.I don't want to be an animal like them.To tell you the truth i never get sexually attracted to girls(guys/animals..u dirty mind)for me it's all about character and love.Am i living in a illusion ??maybe ..but i am happy like this.I would rather die then be like them.

take care guys
[V]

fairytale moments

a starry night,crawling patiently
deceptive calmness all around
dreams of heavenly mansions and gardens
these dreams,
the fairytale moments
she & me,
coffee & rain
wet leaves and swirling haze of an instant
evocative and fantastic
if only it happened !!

he talked again

Me:You came. Even though you're about to break. That's a good sign.
He:(silent)
Me:Well what do you want?
He:You.
Me:Well we better talk then.
Me:So... Why did you come?
He:You got anything?
Me:Depends on what you want.
He:Uh, some more time.
Me:Can't help you.
He:You're gonna give up and die, is that it?
[me does not answer]
He:you are a royal pain in the ass about to get a fucking slap.
Me:I appreciate that but I can't help you. Why can't you forgive yourself?
He:Are sins... ever forgiven?
Me: ...I've never tried.
He:You mean?...”Never tried"...
He:Well, I'm gonna try.
Me:Stay where you belong; in my memories!
He:I will... never be a memory!
Me:Stop running! I know.Even is you find that she doesn't love you. Maybe something will happen that can never unhappen,But you need to think about career now, really take it in.Let her go.Look at you, you think you've got it so damn hard. Well you hate being alone so let people in. Sure you might not answer the phone, but I don't see you throw it away either!
He :Don't piss in my pocket and tell me it's raining.
Me:But for me this is all over. I'm getting out. What was true then is true now. Have a plan. Stick to it.I mean, work it out, mate. We're in the wrong fucking game.
He:Oh, I know you're still there... cause I can feel you dying. I can hear you tapping me... for a little nutrition. Now who's looking for a fix? It gets a little tight in here, do you? Well, you're not wrong... cause the walls are moving in. No food here. Not today, sunshine. My eyes are open and the restaurant's closed. Jog on. Slide off. Find someone else to fill your pipe. Someone, who won't see you coming... or know, when you're there.
Me:Now try to get this straight: there is nothing between us. There has never been anything between us. Just air.
He:Oh, you don't mean that..Do you love her?
Me:YES! But don't hold that against me, I'm a little screwy myself!
He:You're a sucker to go through with this.you think everything will take care of itself.
Me:Why don't you just fucking rape me?
He:people don't get me either.
[smiles and fades away]

He was once like a lush green forest,alive with love and happines.
but love burned him down to the ground.
The stigma... it's a symptom of love infesting the body. When he trys to eliminate it,
it overcompensates. Inside his body there's a current, like the White Blood Cells. That current is what fights off any malevolent intruders.

In this fight "he" might devour "him".

the Truth??

If u feel it ..then comment,else just hop somewhere else

You're born, you take shit. You get out in the world, you take more shit. You climb a little higher, you take less shit. Till one day you're up in the rarefied atmosphere and you've forgotten what shit even looks like. There's a lot of ugly things in this world. I wish I could keep 'em all away from me. That's never possible.
There is something about you that you don't know. Something that you will deny even exists, until it's too late to do anything about it. It's the only reason we wake up in the morning. The only reason you suffer the shitty puss, the blood, the sweat and the tears. This is because you want people to know how good, attractive, generous, funny, wild and clever you really are. Fear or revere me, but please, think I'm special. We share an addiction. We're approval junkies. We're all in it for the slap on the back and the gold watch. We all like a bit of the good life - some the money, some the drugs, other the sex game, the glamour, or the fame.Life consists of routine, and then more routine.The hip-hip-hoo-fuckin' rah. Look at the clever boy with the badge, polishing his trophy. Shine on you crazy diamond, because we're just monkeys wrapped in suits, begging for the approval of others.You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view... Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.
You know I remember someone saying, "If you've seen one you've seen 'em all".

====
p.s.
====
This post was inspired by the movie "Revolver" !

Kick Ass Award

Last few days i received some awards...
Oxy gave me Brillante Weblog award!
mayz gave me Blogging Friends Forever
Hope gave me Blogging Friends forever,Million Dollar Friend and The Spreader of Love Awards!
Sister Sameera gave me Thoughtful Blog Reader,Certified Honest Blogger,I love your Blog,A perfect Blend of Friendship awards!
Preeti gave me i love you blogger award !

Hugs to you all.I will not thank you..coz i know i deserve these ;) hehe
anyways jokes apart...i distribute these awards now :-

Beauty and the BEast gets I love your Blog,Certified Honest Blogger,i love you blogger and Brillante Weblog award.

Zubin brother gets Brillante Weblog award and Blogging Friends forever.

miss hope gets Certified Honest Blogger and I love your Blog.

miss enchanted gets I love your Blog,A perfect Blend of Friendship and The Spreader of Love.

Big brother oxy gets I love your Blog,Certified Honest Blogger,Thoughtful Blog Reader,A perfect Blend of Friendship and Million Dollar Friend.

apna bhai Sidgets Thoughtful Blog Reader,Certified Honest Blogger,I love your Blog,Blogging Friends Forever,A perfect Blend of Friendship and Million Dollar Friend.

my clone mayz gets Thoughtful Blog Reader,Million Dollar Friend,I love your Blog and The Spreader of Love.

a great friend runnerfrog gets Thoughtful Blog Reader,Certified Honest Blogger,A perfect Blend of Friendship and Million Dollar Friend.

natkhat preeti gets A perfect Blend of Friendship,Blogging Friends Forever and Million Dollar Friend.

miss French Cess gets Thoughtful Blog Reader,Blogging Friends Forever,Brillante Weblog award and i love you blogger.

miss priya gets Blogging Friends Forever,i love you blogger,I love your Blog and The Spreader of Love.

think tank Farah gets Thoughtful Blog Reader and i love you blogger.

the textual offender "che" gets I love your Blog and Certified Honest Blogger.

mr.ceedy gets I love your Blog and Certified Honest Blogger.

miss Cinderella gets Thoughtful Blog Reader,i love you blogger and The Spreader of Love.

Princess mia gets i love you blogger,I love your Blog and Certified Honest Blogger.

and i save the best one for
Sameera you have got all the awards so i asked my sis to make a new one..and you are the First recipient of this award the kick ass Blog award.


All the credit for making this award goes to rain girl hugs sis.You receive all the awards i have :D

If i forgot someone..please let me know.
take care guys hope you njoy your awards and no one should use the words thank you,thankx,10q's as a reaction to this post.

P.s.
====
All awards have been posted on the Right.

an old post

On request of a friend i have to post this...i hate it when i lose a bet :(
so here it is an old postYoung me

it rained again

some played games
he was played like a card
words spoken,a heart broken
drowned in his own tears
mending a tattered heart
lingering memories
he likes to be alone
lost in rains
pain is dripping down again


“A box of rain will ease the pain,and love will see you through.”
The Grateful Dead quotes

Hollow Chapter

A sad collection of words.

6 years ago he was nearly finished,a devastating loss,it broke him and wiped out all his innocence,that loss dawned a new him,somewhat changed and steady.Phoenix like he arose and set forth upon his dream.He endured many catastrophes but none so grave as the one which faces him today..Love.
Some label it the infatuation,others call it a childish crush.
But he still holds on...he wants to move on but he can't.He believes in being true and selfless.He never wanted the things to be this way..he didn't plan anything.

In this hollow chapter now he has started to plan a lot,trying to rectify his mistakes.This chapter began in 2006..he didn't saw it coming.He wanted to do Mba but he had to take up MCA.He didn't want to but had to.He missed all his friends who left the college after Grad.He was still here doing his masters.Daily he saw those places where they used to sit and chat all day...it was hard on him.Teachers were worse..classmates like "sheep" he was so alone,lonely-soul.Then he thought he has found love.He thought she loved him,so he told her(Jan 17-18) but he was mistaken (here's a little of the conversation that day)
She:"forget that we talked today..okay"
He:"okay..i will but (her name) tell me did u ever had a crush on me"
she: "yeah..umm..in Grad days yes...i liked you a lot"
HE:"In grad days..hehe what did u see in me?"
she:"talking to you,spending time with you..i started liking you"
He:"Then y didn't you say something??"
she:"Vikku i knew nothing could happen.You don't know my parents.I told myself at that time that if in future you come and propose i will say no."
He:"we still have two years of study left...you stay with me..we will sort things out."
she:"No i can't.I have to oblige to my parents wishes"
He:"take your time think about it.."
she:"i have..please u concentrate on your studies and forget about this.."
He:"we will stay friends as before??"
she:"No..not now..as now i know you have feelings for me.."
He:"please keep talking to me..i feel so helpless and miserable when you don't pickup the phone."
She:"Ohh i will..bye "
(she didn't said sweet dreams this time)

he lost one of his best-friend(So much for "Honesty is the best policy")that day.She never talked the way she used to--a friendship lost to love.
He missed her each and everyday.Each day was ugly.He lost his sleep.He thought of diverting his mind...he thought if he had money there never would have been a problem of caste,he read a lot of books..started studying whole day and night..but still she never went away.He would close his eyes and there she was...mirror eyes and smiling as beautiful as ever.He napped 1-2 hrs a day for next 3 months (Feb,march,April).He came to blog ville in between and started writing all the things happening around him.

He tried calling many(5-6) times but she didn't pickup.He understood.He didn't call but kept on sending messages to her.She never replied.No calls and communication.
she got a job in "Wi*ro" on march 17 and she didn't tell him that day..he came to know of it through a common friend...she called(the common friend had told her to) next day to tell him that she got selected.He acted as if he was so happy...and congratulated her.the call lasted less than 2 minutes.
next time she called on his birthday...he waited waited and waited..at last her call came on 7:11 p.m. and he was not happy that she called so late.He didn't talked to her as he should have.He still hate himself for that.Didn't even call her back..this stupid ego.well days passed as he blogged everything ...the betrayal by his friends,the exams and normal stuff.A friend from Australia called up sometime in mid-feb and told him to come to Australia..he refused..friend asked again in may..he started thinking.He ain't enjoying this MCa.He ain't having fun here.He has been battered and betrayed by the ones he trusted.So he opened up completely to his friend and told him he can't come on his own..he has no money.His friend agreed to help me out and so he had a new goal and new direction now..
Meanwhile she got selected in TC* and again he came to know through common friend.She didn't care to call him this time.Then came the 8th June..her birthday..he was so happy..he called her at 12:09 (she was busy before)
wished her and they talked for about 2 and half minutes.He was so happy ..after disconnecting he thought he has not wished her properly....So he called her again next afternoon and sang three lines

"happy birthday to you,.."
"happy birthday to you"
"happy birthday dear (her name)"
"happy birthday tooooo youuuu"

he was so happy again :D
no calls were exchanged after that..but on 1st of July she was online and they chatted..he was destroyed by the words she typed.It was like someone among your own murdered you without flinching..He was so miserable that day..another soundless crack on his heart wall.He thought what had he done wrong?loving someone??he couldn't understand..he still doesn't.He wrote her one last e-mail..writing his heart out...he doesn't even know if she read it before deleting.
cried to sleep on many nights,
those swollen eyes...

The lesson this Hollow chapter gave him -- one-sided love is something closest to hell.He has learned how to really cry,though he didn't want to.
he feels like a moth,
a moth attracted towards fire
He still loves her.This ain't the first time i said that..but the last time will surprise you all..i am grey and white and still loving her.

He's still here doing Mca,somewhere down there he knows there is hope.The hope to be successful and make her mom proud.
Here he's now unburdening his heavy heart here for you all to see.
The monsoons are gone..so are my rainy posts,maybe next monsoon will bring them back or some rainy day.

was this love meant to be lost??
pain comes back to remind me
heart drives me
one day we will meet
like in the dreams i see

Take care guys and thanks for reading my hollow chapter..it means a lot to me.Ask anything if u want to(except her name).I am all yours ppl.

My love

My love for her has left me with a sense that time has become deranged.sometimes i am carried along by currents of love between fantasies and actuality,between "then" and "now" with amazing ease.
caught between him and her,i don't know what it is to be happy :(


-=========-
The TaG
-=========-
I was tagged by PHOENIX

1. Name five of your all time favorite movies.

Hindi ones :

Maine Pyaar kiya
Jaan-E-Mann: Let's Fall in Love... Again
Mughal-E-Azam
Dil Chahta hai
Rang De Basanti


English Ones :

SAW
Face Off
REVOLVER
rocky
Munich
and i have to name this too,one of the most loveliest movies i have seen
The NoteBook

2. Name one movie which you recommend as a "must see".
Peaceful Warrior

3. one and only one movie that you have seen many times.[watching on TV wont count]
REVOLVER

4.which movie comes to your mind when i say funniest?
American Pie

5.which movie made you really emotional?
Parzania

6.which movie series was as interesting as the first part?
Final Destination

7.which movie didnt, according to you, live up to your expectations?
Hancock --low level

8.which movie surprised you?
I'm Not There

and i TAG
Sameera
preeti
hope
enchanted
Oxy
siddharth
mayz
Zubin

====
P.S.
====
you have read the tag but that doesn't mean you can escape not commenting about the three line above :D
another thing...i have a Guitar Now (thanks to Shikher)
cheers :D

waging conflict

"try grasping perpetuity?
It’s on the far side
of my intellective preposterous gray matter."

poetic eruptions inside
have crossed the breaking point
love songs are solace for abandoned heart
shattered spirits
they sleep around to forget
forced through this rain,a lonely soul
drenched down again
frozen heart
burning in the pain
fed up, exhausted, and devoid
need understated strength of coffee
and unuttered agreement
to watch the falling raindrops
her face her eyes and her stare
aimless and dreamlike
forced through this rain,a lonely soul

college = boring

college for me has been boring after my graduation
but my stay there has taught me to appreciate the fundamentals of time
there is art for dealing with the boredom of 6 hours of college
the art of putting your mind somewhere else
while the seconds slowly tick away.
All the people who are bored here
have perfected their own individual art.
take me
I know rule number 1
"the watch is the enemy"
the basic rule is this...
the more you look at the watch
the slower the time goes.
you have to uncover the hiding place of your mind
and stay there every second
this is the basic art in dealing with your boredom in college

then there's "Rajiv Ghai"
rajiv thinks of himself as a sincere student
i think of him a sheep as i think of all the other classmates
you see in first sem Rajiv complained to our HOD
and the poor guys internal marks were slashed for that
Rajiv is on the back foot ever since
never complains just does what they tell him to

Manish is also a sheep
Now,Manish and Rajiv are good friends
between them they have come up with a very diff.
way of dealing with their time at college
there's is an art of doing anything that
ain't going to hamper their marks
like sitting in class or lab

college management's theory is that even though they can't control me
they can control all others
coz they know that they won't say a thing,
they fear for their marks
so i am the only opposition they face
and i am very painful pain in ass ;D

the decision is always an easier one
if i agree or if i don't object
then they are so happy
but when i object
they win ultimately
but they know they didn't win over me

the art of doing something else other than what your are supposed to do is so addictive...
i am supposed to go to college
i don't
i am supposed to respect these teachers
i don't
i am supposed to follow rules
i don't
i am supposed to be behave like everyone else
i don't

it's just the excitement of doing something u shouldn't be doing along with the consequences you may face once you do it are so strong that it often pulls me away from everything else

i usually get reported for what they call
"coming to college after 2 months" :D
It is the stupid teachers and their low intelligence
that sends me on these quests.
But i know what i am capable of and what i can do.
and i know that they know that too ;D .

****
P.S.
****
Mom's away for 10 days in Punjab
it's gonna be party time each night at home ;D
going to have some drinks after a gap of two years
this is gonna be fun.

How i landed up in blog ville

Guys don't pull my leg for this post.This is what was going through my mind in March this year.

I was always thinking about her,with someone else,it felt like someone was trying to strangle me.someone told me to delete all her pics,i tried,selected the folder, pressed the appropriate button,a message window appeared but I clicked "No".

I just couldn't fall asleep anymore.The more i tried to sleep,the less tired i felt
I was wide awake.I tried everything.I've had become immune to sleep.I suddenly found i had 8 extra hours.My life had been extended by a third.
i wanted to pass the time quickly but instead i was forced to watch the passing by of every minute & every hour.
I stopped going out and taking calls,i house-arrested myself.I was so low-down and out.i wanted the hurt that i felt to go away but in some cruel trick of events
i had even more time in my hands--more time to think about her.

sometimes i sat on the roof
i watched the landscapes slowly change
as it clung to last hour of sunlight.
before leaving me to yet another sleepless night

Then i started to read all the books i wish i had time to read with the extra hours i even had time to re-read my fav ones but she was never far from my mind.

i could feel a faint shift in a faraway place
a current of unknown consequences was on its way
moving towards me like an unstoppable wave in stormy sea

it was getting obvious that i needed to do something with this time.So on 3rd april i decided to start blogging as a gift to myself on my B'day ;D
During the time most normal ppl are sleeping.i was busy killing my time,i gave net my extra eight hours and it gave me rain ville.


* Present Day *
it's raining for last 34 hours heavily
this is the haunting period.
the time when demon of regrets comfort you.

Threesome

1.
messenger of the misery
wandering in darkness
Nights without mornings
like a parasite
feeding on my soul
rains of fire,icy cold waves
hitting my heart
burning and freezing
at the same time
how do you describe this feeling??

2.
something in me not responding
not breathing
not throbbing
not feeling
not healing
it's something
for love
for grace
for rain
for pain
i plead for it to choose
& set me free to fly
live or die i cry
live or die i cry



3.
the rain brought alignment
say i'll move on
say i'll forget it
say i'll work hard
say i'll reach far
say i'll make it big
say i'll have it all
say i'll fall in love again
say i'll start all over again.

i cry

i cry
for me..no,
for a tormented soul
basking in pain,
with or without rain
weeping itself away
through these puffed eyes

I cry for my mothers tears
the ones she crys for her husband
for loss and death
for the memories

I cry for my sisters hugs
she's far away
living all alone
working hard
missing me and home

I cry for a girl I loved,
the one that left
the she i knew,
coz i can't forget
i need to go away
leave you alone
forgetting those times

I cry for him
for all the regrets in his life
how he feels when he misses his dad
how he suffers within himself

I cry for the one who's trapped within
how he tries so hard
his dry,dull mask
and benightedness

I cry for the innocence
within those eyes
the one that fades away
I've already lost mine

I cry for the children
and their dreams
the time they have
is all that is now

i cry for what I couldn’t mend
the coldness,the tingling
she in my dreams
this dent on my heart

sometimes i cry for shooting stars that no one sees.

these fu*king terrorists

pic courtesy
http://timesofindia.indiatimes.com/

I just saw the news about delhi blasts.
20 dead till now in 45 minutes.And SIMI takes responsibility.It was their operation..bastards...they call it "BAD".
I am so enraged at these fuckfaced ppl right now.
Ceedy also talked about 9/11 in his latest post.
it's a shame just because ppl wear clothing different and follow a diff. religion they want to kill them in the name of their GOD..assholes.
Who slaughters an innocent life and then calls themselves a warrior of God? An psychologically unstable piece of shit. You can scream "Praise Allah" all you fucking want, but in the end, allah(if he exists) is going to send you straight to the fucking pits of hell, where you will fucking burn for eternity, you sorry excuse for a human being. I hope all you fucking terrorists rot.

The Terrorists are a bunch of cowards, they hide behind Women and Children, hide under Hospital Beds, hide in old folks homes, hide under a Woman's Berka. These are brave fighters??? Give me a break. The USA and Israel are Brave fighters. Fighters that have a decent moral conscience.They think they are going to be Martyrs and be surrounded by 72 Virgins, what kind of senseless people are we dealing with here??
I don't hate anyone more deeply in my life. I wanted to stab their eyes, hit them in the forehead with an aluminum baseball bat using all my strength, and sledgehammer red hot iron spikes into their evil brains via the ear.
I have never seen worse pieces of shit passing themselves off as human beings in my life. You psychos and those who call you martyrs deserve zero mercy. You terrorists make me support the idea of a nuclear first strike, just to open your sunken, dopey eyes and knock some sense into your dehydrated desert brains.

and who pays fop their actions...innocent ordinary "sharif" people.Just heard from my mom's cousin(she resides in delhi).2-3 kashmir guys who lived on second floor in her building have been taken by the police.
My mom was also leaving for delhi tomorrow ....now she won't be for another week.All these hassles because of these shitty people.
This is nothing but negligence on the part of intelligence agency. They are not taken to task by Home Ministry. The Minister will just pay the condolences to the suffered families and make the public fool by sweet words. Home Minister should immediately resign and the concerned officer should be taken to task.We are being fooled by the politicans like Mulayam singh, Lalu and paswan. I have always firmly believed in Gandhi's India but now I understand why Nathuram Godse didn't like Gandhi's Policies.What Nathu Ram Godse could foresee in 1947 ,Gandhi just turned a blind eye to that. So our countrymen will have to be careful against this war against India. These incompetent politicians will do nothing except selling their motherland, so our countrymen will have to be vigilant and hunt and weed out the terrorists from within our society.It is high time for the public to getup kick the selfish politican out work for the welfare of Mother India. Make special court for terrorist and simply death penality be awarded who plays with the life of innocent people. Wake up india wake up before it is too late.
My condolences to the families of the victims. Its just another day in India. Indian government should not 'react' it should 'act'.
I hope people behind "BAD" are caught quickly and sent to hell.
amen

something about her..

saw an picture today
buried under forgotten thoughts
that day at friend's house
when we last met
it's been 2 years now
I didn't know
that we will meet for last time
something about that day
something about her smile
something about those eyes
something about her hair
something about that voice
something about her face
rain,i can almost
feel it in my face
strolling down.

-=========-
Awards
-=========-
[the awards are to your right]

Rockstar Award goes to :-
rain girl
preeti
enchanted illusionz
cinderella.
princess mia
che

Brilliante Weblog goes to :-
rain girl
sameera
runnerfrog
mayz
lover
priya
hope


Blogging friends forever goes to :-
runnerfrog
gagan
mayz
phoenix
sameera

please accept these and stick them to your blog.

take care and have fun. :D

Twosome

-=======================================-
There's
-=======================================-
there’s a snot in the room
there's the endorphin
there's the body pains
there's a rain drawing nearer
there’s a unconventional dream here somewhere
there's this speculation about her
there's this sound of raindrops inside and outside.

-==========================================-
still here
-==========================================-
[I went to Rudrapur today,it was raining]

In the mall
i saw lights warping shadows of her
in the faces of girls
she's still here
she's playing within
these pains,
slowly they told
something inside me unfolds

I thought of that day
first practical in college
and the delay,the night,the bus,
and the blanket you engrossed yourself in
and all that stolen time

now who should i go talk to
who's voice should i fall asleep to
who should i call "hitler" //*V smiles*//
whom should i sit with
who's lunch should i steal
who's here to help me heal?

leavings of what she was to me still endures.


====
P.S.
====
The awards that i have been given i will be posting them soon and i will announce the lucky receivers too.

the one

tender voice,a feather's touch,
of one not there,
the one invisible in thoughts

raindrops kissing soft hair,
soft palms,heavenly eyes,
of one not there,
the one invisible in rains

puffed eyes,unseeing all
raindrops playing with heart
he's the one right there
the one with rainy thoughts

outstretched arms,awaiting a hug
broken spirit,forgotten smiles
he's the one right there
the one waiting in the rain.

keep on walking

Ain't no precious in pain
at last it's been explained
Just keep on walking underneath the rain
and pick one drop to keep
Cause no one can possess the nature of things

recreating big -Bang

It is the most ambitious and expensive civilian science experiment in history, based on the biggest machine that humanity has yet built. It has sparked alarmist fears that it might create a black hole that will tear the Earth apart, and it has triggered two last-minute legal attempts to stop it. And this Wednesday, after almost two decades of planning and construction, the project in question will finally be under way.
"The first attempt to circulate a beam in the LHC will be made this Wednesday, Sept. 10 at the injection energy of 450 GeV (0.45 TeV). The start up time will be between (9:00 to 18:00 Zurich Time) (2:00 to 10:00 CDT) with live webcasts provided at webcast.cern.ch." .

"As far as we know, a very long time ago there was an enormous amount of energy that suddenly created space and time as we know it," Bob Orr, a physics professor at the University of Toronto, told CTV Newsnet on Tuesday.

"This energy degraded itself into a lot of particles, and these are the particles we see around us that make up matter. So, the stuff that you're made of is quarks and electrons that were produced in this Big Bang."

Beneath the foothills of the Jura mountains, in a network of tunnels that bring to mind the lair of a crazed Bond villain, scientists will fire a first beam of particles around a ring as long as the Circle Line on the London Underground. This colossal circuit, 17 miles (27km) in circumference, is the world’s most powerful atom-smasher, the Dollar 10 billion Large Hadron Collider (LHC), created at CERN, the European particle physics laboratory near Geneva. Some 10,000 scientists and engineers from 85 countries have been involved. In the years ahead it will recreate the high-energy conditions that existed one trillionth of a second after the big bang. In doing so, it should solve many of the most enduring mysteries of the Universe.

This extraordinary feat of engineering will accelerate two streams of protons to within 99.9999991 per cent of the speed of light, so that they complete 11,245 17-mile laps in a single second. The two streams will collide, at four points, with the energy of two aircraft carriers sailing into each other at 11 knots, inside detectors so vast that one is housed in a cavern that could enclose the nave of Westminster Abbey. The detectors will trace the sub-atomic debris that is thrown off by the collisions, to reveal new particles and effects that may never have existed on Earth before. The amount of data expected from the experiments will be so huge, CERN will use 60,000 computers around the world to help calculate the results. It's called the LHC Grid.

One of the first scientific discoveries is likely to concern a theory called supersymmetry. Tejinder Virdee, of Imperial College, London, who leads the Compact Muon Solenoid (CMS) detector team, said: “What supersymmetry predicts is that, for every particle you have a partner, so it doubles up the spectrum. You have a whole new zoology of particles, if you like.”

Theory suggests that if supersymmetry is real, evidence to confirm it should emerge quickly from the LHC, possibly as soon as next year. “If it pops up it’ll be quite easy to see,” Professor Cox said.

Such a discovery might also help to explain dark matter, which is thought to account for much of the missing mass of the Universe. Only about 4 per cent of matter – galaxies and the like – is visible to our telescopes. “In this new zoology, the lightest super-symmetric particle is a prime candidate for explaining dark matter,” Professor Virdee said.

Discovery of theoretical particle called the Higgs boson, which has never been detected, but would help explain why matter has mass. The search for the Higgs could take longer, though it depends on the particle’s mass and thus the energy of the collisions in which it might be found. If it is at the heavier end of the possible range, the discovery could take as little as 12 months. A lighter Higgs would take longer to find, as the particles into which it would decay would also be lighter and harder to track.

Other potential discoveries include evidence for the existence of extra dimensions beyond the familiar three of space and one of time, and the creation of miniature (and harmless) black holes, though these are less probable. “Most of us think we’d be very lucky to find these things,” Professor Cox said.

There are two more detectors. The LHCb will investigate why there is any matter in the Universe at all, while Alice aims to study a mixture known as quark-gluon plasma, which last existed in the first millionth of a second after the big bang.

It is true that the LHC might generate black holes, but these would be minuscule and would decay immediately. As the physicist Michio Kaku has said, the LHC has as much chance of ending the world as it does of producing fire-breathing dragons. Scientists have been using particle collision devices for 30 years without incident but concerns have arisen over the LHC because of its size and power.

A report was written by five CERN physicists, who were told to review a safety assessment written by colleagues in 2003 that also gave the project the green light. “Nature has already conducted the equivalent of about a hundred thousand LHC experimental programmes on Earth – and the planet still exists,” the report says.

The beam will be circulated at injection energy (450GeV) and not accelerated to the design collision energy. Even if they did circulate beam in both directions *and collide them* (a separate activity) the total energy of collision would still be less that half of what the tevatron at Fermilab, USA, has been doing for many years. If *that* were a problem we'd already be

The LHC is one of the most exciting experiments of this or any age, yet the thing most people now know and remember about it is a frivolous half-truth. That is a pretty depressing indication of the value we place on science.

The saner voice of science is shining through, however, as Valerie Jamieson, deputy features editor of New Scientist, explains on her blog.

“Scale the cosmic ray sums up to cover the 100 billion stars in the Milky Way and the 100 billion galaxies in the visible Universe and you find that nature has already made the equivalent of 1,031 LHCs. Or if you like, 10 trillion LHCs are running every second. And we’re still here.”

Hadron
This is more than an excuse for a geeky physics joke – “Is that your hadron, or are you just pleased to see me?” Hadrons are particles with mass, made up of quarks that have been bound together

Dark matter
Only about 4 per cent of the Universe is made up of visible matter. Another 25 per cent is “dark matter” – which can be inferred from its gravity, but cannot be seen. The remaining 71 per cent is still more mysterious “dark energy”. The LHC could shed light on what dark matter is, possibly through discoveries about supersymmetry

Extra dimensions
We are all familiar with four dimensions – three of space and one of time. But some theoretical physicists suggest that there could be as many as 26. Most physicists find these every bit as hard to visualise as normal people, but they make mathematical sense

courtesy
http://press.web.cern.ch
http://www.timesonline.co.uk
http://www.ctv.ca

my predictions... they are going to find out that they were wrong about something.
Personally to the utter chagrin of the scientist running the show they are going to prove that String Theory is right after all.

Here's a video for the ones who didn't understand anything above !

It's the LHC YO !

Large Hadron Collider

This is again for enlightening of you all!
Why i believe in science so much is the reason for me too post this one....
read on...

Massive physics experiment on Wednesday
14:10 AEST Mon Sep 8 2008
8 hours 11 minutes ago

Particle physicists believe they will throw open a new frontier of knowledge on Wednesday when, 100 metres below ground, they switch on a mega-machine crafted to unveil the deepest mysteries of matter.

The most complex scientific experiment ever undertaken, the Large Hadron Collider (LHC) will accelerate sub-atomic particles to nearly the speed of light and then smash them together, with the aim of filling gaps in our understanding of the cosmos.
It may also determine the outcome of novel theories about space-time: does another dimension - or dimensions - exist in parallel to our own?
After nearly two decades and 6 billion Swiss francs (.6 billion), an army of 5,000 scientists, engineers and technicians drawn from nearly three dozen countries have brought the mammoth project close to fruition.
At 9.30am (1730 AEST) on Wednesday, the first protons will be injected into a 27-kilometre ring-shaped tunnel, straddling the Swiss-French border at the headquarters of the European Organisation for Nuclear Research (CERN).
Whizzed to within a millionth of a per cent of the speed of the light, the particles will be the first step in a long-term experiment to smash sub-atomic components together, briefly generating temperatures 100,000 times hotter than the Sun in a microscopic space.
Analysts will then pore over the wreckage in the search for fundamental particles.
"We will be entering into a new territory of physics," said Peter Jenni, spokesman for ATLAS - one of four gargantuan laboratories installed on the ring where a swathe of delicate detectors will spot the collisions.
"Wednesday is a very major milestone."
The LHC is massively-muscled machine compared to its CERN predecessor, the Large Electron-Positron (LEP) collider, and an ageing accelerator at the legendary Fermilab in Illinois.
It has the power to smash protons or ions - particles known as hadrons - together at a whopping 14 teraelectron volts (TeV), seven times the record held by Fermilab's Tevatron.
The leviathan scale of the project is neatly juxtaposed by its goal, which is to explore the infinitely small.
Physicists have long puzzled over how particles acquire mass.
In 1964, a British physicist, Peter Higgs, came up with this idea: there must exist a background field that would act rather like treacle.
Particles passing through it would acquire mass by being dragged through a mediator, which theoreticians dubbed the Higgs Boson.
The standard quip about the Higgs is that it is the "God Particle" - it is everywhere but remains frustratingly elusive.
French physicist Yves Sacquin says that heroic work by the LEP and Fermilab has narrowed down the energy range at which the devious critter is likely to spotted.
Given the LHC's capabilities, "there's a very strong probability that it will be detected," he said.
Some experts are also hopeful about an early LHC breakthrough on the question of supersymmetry.
The supersymmetry theory goes way beyond even the Higgs. It postulates that particles in the Standard Model have related, but more massive, counterparts.
Such particles could explain the unsettling discovery of recent years that visible matter only accounts for some four per cent of the Universe. Enigmatic phenomena called dark matter and dark energy account for the rest.
CERN Director General Robert Aymar is confident the massive experiment will yield a correspondingly big breakthrough in penetrating these mysteries.
"It is certain that the LHC will yield the identity and understanding of this dark matter," he said in a video statement.
CERN has had to launch a PR campaign aimed at reassuring the public that the LHC will not create black holes that could engulf the planet or an unpleasant hypothetical particle called a strangelet that would turn the Earth into a lump of goo.
It has commissioned a panel to verify its calculations that such risks are, by any reasonable thinking, impossible, and France too has carried out its own safety probe.
Either way, the end of the world will not happen on Wednesday, for the simple reason that the LHC will not generate any collisions that day.
These will probably be initiated "in a few weeks" as part of a phased programme to commission the LHC, testing its equipment and evaluating work procedures before cranking it up to full strength, said Jenni.
Looking at the daily mountain of data that will have to be analysed, "it will take weeks or months before one can really hope to start discovering something new," he cautioned.
"The LHC is more than a machine. It is the intellectual quest of our age," the British weekly New Scientist said in this week's issue.
"With luck... today's physics textbooks will start to look out of date by the end of 2009."

courtesy
news.ninemsn.com

some of you may say that it may create a black hole....ehehe
They wouldn't just have to create a black hole. They'd have to create a big enough one which didn't just disappear. I think it's highly unlikely. I'm not a particle physicist (I know a bit about it) but I don't honestly believe they'd do something which where it could be very dangerous.
it's an amazing experiment, and I cannot wait for the results. Testing has already started, by the way.

http://www.bbc.co.uk/iplayer/episode/b00dccnr/ this recent documentary is a pretty good watch, and does address the 'black hole' stuff.
Talks about why they are doing it, etc.

rain stained heart

I can't find a starting point
to break into
the rain stained heart
can't quite grip, or hold on,
I'm not quite awake enough for this dream
the thoughts and twinkling of the stars
promises of sin and spring,
the moon that smiles and wont let me sleep
tossing and turning in this big black lonely soul,
which swallows you whole
they call it the night...
reserved for romantic couples and alike
moon is again out along with the wind
resting my head on it’s shoulder
whispering out pains
my feet turn lame
I breathe in a ghost.

under my thoughts-
a giant thinking about his responsibilities
under my eyes-
dark reminders of forgotten sleep

my choices,my mistakes

A smell of change,
felt it on the breeze
rainy days have passed
she is slipping far
like a raindrop released by the cloud
such a small price to pay
to shine like the sun
to fly like an albatross
to taste the glory,
i will chase what i want
i am the creator,the destroyer,
the angel,the devil of my story
I can be the King or the shepherd
my choices,my mistakes
is all that it takes.

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THE TAG
phoenix tagged me.Thank you.It's my second tag :)
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I am - Mr.V,Mr. I Have My Own Plans,Mr. Bad Attitude(in a nutshell i have thousand personalities, thousand tricks up my sleeve,thousand reasons to believe,thousand reasons to lie,thousand reasons to fly,thousand reasons to sleep,thousand reasons to cry,thousand reasons to laugh,thousand reasons to live,thousand reasons to die,thousand reasons to write and thousand reasons to stop ).
(*devilish grins* that was totally random..ehehe)

I hate - backstabbers-backbiting people,my enemies(there's 1,and he'll die) and religions.

I hear - compliments :D & careless whispers !

I sing- Ay Kya Bolti Tu...hehe :D

I cry- when i watch movies :(

I write- whatever my gray matter(or whatever is left of it) tells me to do.

I always- at home and thinking about a lot of things in my life.

I dont always- say what i want to :)

I listen- James blunt,Linking park,Dido,Coldplay,Boney m,Enrique....too long to type.

I can usually be found- in my room sleeping ;)

I am happy about- my choices (an irony that i am unhappy about them too).

i tag hope,cinderella.,preeti.
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P.S.
Got my IELTS result
I got 6.5.I expected more from myself though.
Anyways i got it without any coaching or practicing past papers.
One of my friend did 1 month coaching and practiced daily.. for what??5.5.
I am so happy but i know it could have been better.
Don't forget to follow me and become one of my enthusiasts.
Take Care and have a nice day :)

GOD...any proof ?? or a fake??

Most of you will not like me after this but i have to say what i have to.Before commenting please read previous post i made on this topic along with comments( else just leave) -> Religions

A man should look for what is, and not for what he thinks should be.
Albert Einstein

Most of what we do is governed by whether there's evidence or not to prove it's existence. We claim there are no unicorns or flying garoods because no one was proof of them. We know the world is not flat because there was no proof to prove otherwise, until someone proof was given by sailing around and circumnavigation, and much later through space exploration.It's all about what makes sense.
In the same way, there's no way to prove that God exists, the burden of proof is on those who believe in him. If he is here prove that he exists, otherwise he simply doesn't. There's no empirical evidence, without that God believers are just living in matrix.

Ok think about it for a bit. There is some "holy" being who somehow has the massive reserves of energy to create the entire universe. wow, that is so plausible. In some form or another, every civilization that we have records of, have had all forms of different gods or god. From polytheistic to monotheistic, they all believed in something that came after they died. That's all gods and religion really are, humans not wanting to believe that it will end. I'm not necessarily saying all religions are scammers or liars, except scientologists of course, just that they are natural humans giving in to natural human behavior.

some points i make :
1. If God created the universe, than the universe must be an artifact (i.e. something that was created) There is no scientific or naturalistic evidence for claim (besides faith which should really count for nothing).

2. To say that God created the universe would be to say that He is the only known uncaused cause. By that, I mean that religious faithful always claim that God has no cause, so why can an atheist not suggest that the original cosmic soup resulting in the big bang was an uncaused cause as well. Apparently God defies the scientific causal principle, and is the only known thing to have done so.

3. God is all-knowing, all-loving, all-powerful and yet he permits the suffering of innocence. God knowingly, willingly, and purposely allows the suffering of innocent children on a daily and global basis. This includes, and is not limited to, Darfur, South African apartheid, the Holocaust, poverty, AIDS, the Invisible Children, and so many more. He loves these children, yet witnesses their destruction even though he is powerful enough to intervene.

4. There is no way for humans to transcend language to ascertain the omnipotence of a theistic God. All terms and explanations for God are derived from the human language and is taken as Gospel. How is it possible to transcend this human artifact (i.e. language) to ascertain that there is really a God? We cannot, it is not possible.

5. Religion is the opiate of the masses. Ignorant and close-minded fools are pacified by the "need for salvation" because men are "inherently evil". I choose to disregard these foolhardy comments and embrace the beauty of being human. Humans are naturally weak and suck at the tit of those powerful tyrants who have always oppressed them, from biblical times to the present scenario. Religion is nothing but a controlling technique that limits true empirical evidence by manipulative and harmful means. This is why religiosity yields war, and those who are stupid enough to follow are slaughtered by the thousands in the name of some higher power (God, Allah or many of the other synonyms)

On a final note, if I am incorrect and this is, after all, God's world which is a deciding factor for His eternal life, I would rather have no part of it. If the best God can create is a dysfunctional melting pot of sin, suffering and violence, than I am more than content to disown myself as a child of God. He could make all believe in Him at the drop of a hat....Why not try me then?

faith definition

here is a definition from one online dictionary
1. confidence or trust in a person or thing: faith in another's ability.
2. belief that is not based on proof: He had faith that the hypothesis would be substantiated by fact.
3. belief in God or in the doctrines or teachings of religion: the firm faith of the Pilgrims.
4. belief in anything, as a code of ethics, standards of merit, etc.: to be of the same faith with someone concerning honesty.
5. a system of religious belief: the Christian faith; the Jewish faith.
6. the obligation of loyalty or fidelity to a person, promise, engagement, etc.: Failure to appear would be breaking faith.
7. the observance of this obligation; fidelity to one's promise, oath, allegiance, etc.: He was the only one who proved his faith during our recent troubles.
8. Christian Theology. the trust in God and in His promises as made through Christ and the Scriptures by which humans are justified or saved.

In a nutshell...to belief without having any evidence to justify it.

Interesting how there is a very linear correlation between education/intelligence and rejection of mythologies to explain the world. Interesting how the religious will not hesitate to take their sick loved one to a hospital for the best medical technology which is a byproduct of science and rationalism. Interesting how scripture is loaded with violence and intolerance, conveniently ignored (by most) to focus on the nice parts. Interesting that no religious leader is willing to take on the atheist intellectuals (Dawkins, Hitchens etc) in a debate.
Belief in a supernatural deity is a cultural artifact of our history; very understandable origins. It's now well past the time for it to go.

Is God willing to prevent evil, but not able?
Then he is not omnipotent.
Is he able but not willing?
Then he is malevolent.
Is he both able, and willing?
Then whence cometh evil?
Is he neither able nor willing?
Then why call him God?

-Epicurus

speechless ..ey?

This will be a long one
Part One -->usual stuff !
Part Two --> the subconsciousness chats !
Part Three --> tag of desktop and quotes !Thanks To sis sameera.
enjoy guys !

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{Number One }
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These days
the earth and coldness of it
that rain from her direction

attitude pulled up
forcing the pain beneath smiles
life moves on
fighting the demons of misery

the majestic sway of grass
vacuity of lapsing days
like eyelids coming down

a lunatic
singing and listening
those love songs

even the moon appear lethargic
particularly in deceased night
a nonexistent commitment
like the thrilling quality of these twinkling points of light
like the ornament of pain in the rain
something in what the darkness does to these twinklers
something in what the rain does to the heart.

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{Number Two}
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the juice of love
and he drank it
in those days
the memorable ones
he used to weep
the way people weep
when tortured inside
grasping,fighting
finding the way
still hasn't stopped

-=====================-
{TaLKs with subconsciousness}
-=====================-

I am standing up
I am listening
I have been low for too long now
I was lost in his dreams
time to reclaim myself from him
it's time for transition
the ideas are glistening

sub:" You are weakling."
Me:"I know i am.so what..ever1 is."
sub:"I know why you did it. I know you were afraid. Who wouldn't be?"
Me:"I'm tired of this one sided relationship. It doesn't matter what went wrong, because frankly, nothing did... That is just it; Nothing did...! So, I'm cutting all ties; no more thoughts on her or the non-existing relationship. I'm going to move on and think of all the other possibilities out there; people, places and things to do. It's been nice knowing her and if our paths cross again, then so be it... Life must go on... No worries...its been many a moon!!!"
sub:"Simple maybe, but not easy. "
Me: "i can try.."
sub:"If only I could be sure you're as honest as you sound, but then with a collar around your neck... it's hard to tell whether your throat's blushing from passion or deceit. You should stop and be ashamed of what you are doing. The dignity of your love is at stake."
Me:"Do not mistake my love for your pride. Do not be afraid of the truth, if you don't want to be a slave."
sub:"The truth will kill you! "
Me:"It will set you free. "
sub:"You know, fuck you... I guide you so don't give me any crap! "
Me:"I'm not scared of you."
sub:"You really shouldn't have said that."
Me:"you've got to relax."
sub:"Don't you tell me to relax, goddammit!You're a coward.You don't talk to me like that. You understand, traitor?"
Me:"I understand the kind of pressure you're under. Only unfulfilled love can be romantic."
sub:"No, you are in the dark where a sword is just a long knife. you'll beg for me to guide you to light."
Me:"I prefer the dark."
sub:"what's the matter? You ain't scared?"
Me:"Of course I'm not scared."
sub:"Picture this,You have no real family, you're on the wrong side of 30, childless and alone. Somebody close to you said " it's over for you now."
Me:"Somebody said they were close to me? "
sub:"I can't help you now.one day you'll be a dying star. A white dwarf headed for a black hole. That's physics. It's inevitable. "
Me:"Till that day i will live with no regrets..taking on anything that comes my way.You will watch me conquering each and every obstacle on the path.Join me and i'll take you on a roller coaster ride."
sub:"I won't push you..."
Me:"Yeah, I'd appreciate that. "


Now, the only person who could make a difference before, will make a difference again! yeah you guessed it right that person is ME!


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{My D3SKTOP}
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Downed it from Deviant some 5-months back
haven't felt the need to change it.
it's so unique...i love it.



-============-
{Favorite Quotes}
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1.
The great essentials of happiness are something to do, something to love, and something to hope for. — Unknown.

2.
Moral fiber. So, what is moral fiber? It's funny, I used to think it was always telling the truth, doing good deeds, basically being a fucking boy scout. But lately I've been seeing it differently. Now I think moral fiber's about finding that one thing you really care about. That one special thing that means more to you than anything else in the world. And when you find her, you fight for her. You risk it all, you put her in front of everything, your life, all of it. And maybe the stuff you do to help her isn't so clean. You know what? It doesn't matter. Because in your heart you know, that the juice is worth the squeeze. That's what moral fiber's all about.

3.
what's the craziest thing you've done lately?

4.
If you argue correctly you are never wrong.

5.
It's so easy to think about love, to talk about love, to wish for love. But it's not always easy to recognize love, even when we already hold it in our hands. Would you go for someone who loves you but for you he's only a friend or would you rather go for someone you love but for him you're only a friend? You have to give him a second chance because you love him. And because whoever said that "plenty of fish in the sea" thing was lying. Sometimes, there is only one.

6.
Love? It's kinda complicated but I'll tell you this... the second you're willing to make someone else happy, that's love right there! Don't find love, let love find you.
That's why it's called falling in love coz you don't force yourself to fall, you just fall.
Just when you think you've got it all figured out, you do the dumbest thing you possibly could... you fall in love.

7.
"In certain extreme situations, the law is inadequate. In order to shame its inadequacy, it is necessary to act outside the law. To pursue... natural justice.
This is not vengeance. Revenge is not a valid motive, it's an emotional response. No. Not vengeance. Punishment."

There are more i like but for now i think seven are enough !!!

BtW this was my first tag and i loved it.Hope you guys enjoyed my talks with my subconsciousness!
I am tagging Gagan,Preeti,Phoenix,hope,cinderella. and Mayz.