Wednesday, October 22, 2008

Happy B'day Dad

miss those days
when i was child
i looked up to you
the shining sun,
in the dark clouds
you fulfilled my every wish

regret those days when..
i should have stayed silent
i yelled at you
as u tried to tell me what to do
didn't listen to what you spoke
in those moments i know your heart broke

wish i could make it right
and avoid all those fights
wish you were here
to kill the pain
and walk with me in the rain

Today is my dad's birthday and this is the sixth year since he passed away.I have so many things to tell him and questions to ask. We were so much alike that we basically clashed and held a strong dislike for the other.At one point in my life, I worried that I hated him.And I often felt certain that he hated me.It was all emotional and all consuming, though in the moment I did not realize the extent. It was all his fault anyways, he was the reason why I was genetically made the way I was made.I inherited every aspect of this man. And I don't think I often let him forget that. I never once thought of how all of this was from his side of the fence. I only think of that now - after his life is all said and done, with so many things left unsaid and undone.It kills me to think of how easily things could have been so much different. I want to say that I loved him so much and I didn't tell him,there never is enough I love you's even if I said it everyday and every hour. I really hate the people who have trashed him in life now come to me and say how sorry they are. How hypocritical.It's tough missing him everyday.....But I know he would want me to keep my chin up, so Dad that's what I am going to do.....for you.............I love you so much....I am glad you were there Dad,to teach me about right and wrong, about family, and dedication, and honesty.
You are not here anymore but your words of wisdom, your unconditional love, your joy, your laughter is always in my memories.

Happy Birthday Dad