Sunday, December 20, 2009


Every word I strained to hear
amidst the rains
was about you

the betrayals and the promises
the room I painted for you
echoes of distant memory
they just won't die

With time I've learned
that God made emotions
but we shape them

We can be the masters
We can be the slaves
Some have the power make themselves Happy

I don't care anymore
whether it's raining
it's snowing
or it's spring
I want nothing
but happiness
and some kisses and hugs ;D

Let's paint a masterpiece
some beautiful thoughts
and flip the light switch for the audience

Sunday, November 8, 2009

sweet memories...

He's beside her; clasping her hand
staring at her innocent face; lost in dreams
lips;tender like rose petals
fighting the urge to kiss,to touch; He could never lose control
feeling sleepy; the shutters just won't close.
the sight was too precious; his eyes could never be sore
the smell of her hair,softness of her cheeks
He couldn't believe; He was living a dream

Saturday, October 10, 2009

i wait for you .

As the night begins to undress,
i wait for you .
Grasping at candles in the dark,
I wait for you .
Contradictions spinning tangled webs of thought,
i wait for you .
Heart plastered against walls,
i wait for you .
Caressing false hope,
i wait for you .

Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Cleaning cobwebs

When it rained,
He wished he was home.
drenching on the terrace,
crying and happy
he wanted to be at home

He came home.
It rained
He drenched n cried
He felt all alone…

Every time I get this question so what’s your dream…
I don’t know what to say…If I truly say what I want then most will not like it.
So, I say what they want me to say like a ‘CEO’ or ‘Billionaire’.
But I don’t want to be an CEO or a very rich man, I just want to have enough satisfaction in my life. For me that means I want my family to be happy, my mom and my sis. I want to travel the world with my soul mate to see all the wonders. To be able to help a friend when In need. To do half the things on my bucket list(yes, I have one, yeah, I am insane ;P).But I still don’t know what I would do to get to that satisfaction in my life. I still have not found that what I would be happy doing. All I know is the destination, not the path. I have no plan no money no job and I am still a virgin (*blush blush) . But I do love myself for being a good guy. As far as I know, I have never betrayed anyone and I know I will never.

This is only place that I feel free…I don’t care what anyone thinks about me but I just can’t stop writing that I feel like or I go through. I don’t have a personal diary that I would or may read in future but I do have –rainVille –my public diary. It’s been so long. I have missed this place a lot.

Some little changes have taken place in my life:-

I quit my job at Dell last month!

Now, a basic question that everyone’s asking me is …why? What was the reason??
Actually there were three reasons…

1.Health issues. I am a fitness freak and anything that interferes with my fitness I dislike that. Since Feb I was away from home and gym, feeling so bad for losing my physique slowly with time and then this job at Dell, the odd timings of it destroyed my toned muscles. This was the prime reason for quitting Dell.
2.No use of my knowledge. I have been studying Coding in Computer Languages for last six years. At dell I couldn’t use any of that knowledge (as if I fuckin have any ;D).I didn’t study for that long to work in a call center.
3.well there aren't any beautiful girls there ;)


I like a girl who remembers each dialogue of MPK(Maine Pyaar Kiya ) by heart. For the first time in my life I met someone who has seen that movie more times than me ;)
I don’t know when I started liking her but the day I felt that I should tell her, I did.
She told me that she still loves someone and that I should concentrate on building my career, whatever the god wants will happen. She’s been a good friend and she’s a very beautiful person at heart. I don’t like it when she cry’s and she does that a lot. Everyday, I miss the beautiful moments I spent with her.I hope that she keeps smiling all the time.

It’s coming !

Everyone has this fuckin bad side to them, The one that’s responsible for the untold secrets, the dark side, taboo, things that u don’t want to talk about. It’s forbidden, against the rules and that makes it tempting. He has this evil inside of him too. The fuckin flip-side of the coin. Which he kept and still keeps on suppressing everyday. But it’s getting stronger and he feels that. He can sense a big change in coming days. Sometimes he sees glimpses of him in things he has done. He wants to stop it, But it’s inevitable now.
Maybe this will be a good thing.

Now I need to end this super long post,I don’t know when I’ll post next or come to visit your blogs.I am too busy thinking ,planning and sorting stuff in my life. But, I can fuckin promise u one thing…I am not leaving, still a lot of juice left in this boy.

Have been reading ‘Joan.Konner.The.Atheist's.Bible’…

I found an interesting quote in REVELEATIONS chapter by anonymous…

I believe in God;I just don’t trust anyone who works for him.

Wednesday, June 24, 2009


she's a heavenly thought
her heart is pure in billion distinct ways
like a searchlight,sparkling in my eye
she's pure like the touch of drops
like childhood sunsets
She's that time of the night
when everything is soaked in moonlight

she's a memory,i hope to create

...she's an arrow shot in the dark,...straight through my heart.

Sunday, June 21, 2009


the longer i remain the less i shine... persisting here would certainly lead to pain...

Sunday, June 14, 2009

this week...

I am continuing from my last post...
So,we started our process training,we had to give 12 compliance test.It was so boring...i don't know why Dell ppl made us go through it.It was a waste of time.
We teared down desktops ans laptops and assembled them again.For three days we did this and in between had lots of fun, listening to paranormal experiences of my classmates.SOme of those stories were so childish hehe...,I have never believed in ghosts and spirits,so,it was so much fun pulling there leg.
We even watch the exorcism of emily rose videos on you tube.One girl started weeping.And i was like why do u watch this stuff when u can't handle it lolz

anyways,the cafeteria vendor has changed and the food he serves tastes yuck...
But i have no other option, I have to eat that yucky food.The other day the plates were dirty so i complained to vendor and still the next plate i got was same,that was enough for mei have sent a mail to facilities people.

And I have moved to delhi now.I live in lajpat nagar.It's so full of life.That's where my sis lives.My prime reason to move there.I met her for lunch yesterday after long long time.It was wonderful.I am so lucky to have a sis like mine.
I saw 'Angels and demons' yesterday and i loved it.It was all about science vs religion.My fav topic and I got my first salary on friday...yipeeeee,it feels so good.
I am going to send all of it to my mom.I wanted to do this for a long long time.
take care people i will catch ya again next week.

Sunday, June 7, 2009

a journey,new begining

i wanted to post this for along time,but never had the time.Alas,the time has come and here how it goes...
in feb i landed in noida for training in HP.It was fun,the trainers and my class mates.I always sat on the backbench.People joined me soon everyone was calling us the 'backbenchers'.Met some good people there...some are good friends now.
The flat where i stayed was a penthouse, an unfurnished one on 7th floor.The terrace was all ours.Then came my b'day,i bum got it's share of kicks ;D and my face got a CAKEPACK.My flat mates were so nice,i miss u guys.I still remember the day i was giving my b'day party to my HP mates and it started raining.We all on roof and getting drenched in rain having vodka and Absinth.It will stay in memory for a long time.
In between i met my blog clone mayz for the first time...actually the first blogger i have met till yet.We met at Spice mall and had a coffee.Then we went to gold gym,mayz wanted to join it...he was quite serious about it.But he didn't go he got too busy with job.Anyways Me and my clone met again,this time at my flat and made love to green fairy.She enchanted him too.
we watched...
the way she looks around
at the landscape
and the way she moves
almost nervous
almost profound
laughing at her own words
and promises of adventures
with a couple of poets
from outta' town

He told me the secrets of that GMD song,which i never knew existed.I had a lot of fun and had that drinking session at last.Keep rocking on clone.My best wishes forever.

Training was nearing the end and i decided to have a go at Dell in gurgaon,and it was mayz who gave a ride to gurgaon that day.I got through the interview.Got a descent package and was selected as a senior technical assistant in USCTS.So I decided to join Dell.I got 'A' grade in training and i came to Dell.
First two days were induction days.I met two gr8 guys.They call us the three musketeers.But, our induction batch was divided into two. 73 A and 73 B. I was in 73 B and my two friends in 73 A.And we got a Communication trainer,Paras Mohan.The first day of training we introduced ourselves.We had to draw a Knight's Shield on a paper and divide it into 3 parts and in first part we had to draw figures representing ourselves and in second part we have to draw figures representing our education and work-experience,in third part of shield we had to draw figures representing our aim in life.And below this shield we were allowed to use words, to write our motto in life.
In first part,i drew a turtle,clouds and rain and pillar and a ladder and then we had to explain what we drew.It was so much fun.
We acted in a skit about modern Ramayana (where Ravana abducts Sita)in which i acted as "Lucky the laxman" and wrote some dialogues.It was my second performance ever on stage.I have stage fright so this was big thing for me.Loved it totally and our performance was the best.

Pre-assessment happened:--
i was told that i speak too fast and their are some pronunciation problem.

The training continued.I had to rush home on my week-off's to give my final practical exam.It went gr8, and to my surprise and i topped.I got 97%.Came rushing back to Noida and it was business at usual at Dell.
On a normal day i woke up at 8 a.m. in the morning and went to bed at 2 a.m.It was killing me.ou see how ugly all this beautiful is...So, i decided to move to gurgaon.But,It would take time.I continued going to Dell from Noida.Our trainer was so good,he gave us frequent breaks,we listened to haunting stories of other batch mates,we watched Russell Peters,guitar sessions on Fridays and cricket on Dell terrace. Amazing times guys.Loved this experience there.
A friend came from UAE and gifted me a sony Cybershot 10.1 megapixel,something i wanted for a long long time.I am so grateful to him.Hopefully he clears GMAT and moves to USa. ;)
On tuesday I moved to gurgaon...but here we have power cuts and transportation is a big problem.
daily i spend 300 bucks on my food.I will move to delhi i think.This is not economical for me.
Anyways post-assessment happened :--
there were mock calls and we have to follow the script.
i goofed up the opening and there were some pronunciation errors again.But my trainer made an exception and asked me to do another mock call.My batch mates all of them wished me best of luck,and i did another mock call.It was good this time.But, due to some error,it didn't get saved after 2.5 seconds.So, i did another one.. this one again was not saved...then another,i was so nervous. But at last we managed to save it and i was through.I was congratulated by my batch mates and i was so happy that i am through to the next level,which is process training.

The next day we were introduced to our process trainer.She told us she doesn't know what fun is and once we reach Dell,we are under her command and we can never be late,even for a minute.She told us that these 9 hours are mine not yours.We all knew that honeymoon time is over and now we will see the real Dell.We had to do some compliance tests the first day and then we were free.From monday our Process training starts and i hope i can make it through.

ohh i almost forgot ... we have a Gym in Dell and i have joined it.It's been two days.I am so happy that i am working out again.

She came in my dream yesterday,it was so beautiful.When i woke up i was all smiles.

And if i really bored you guys then u can hop on to Dewdropandleaves.

take care guys and i hope u don't mind my absence from your comment section.I really was and still i am too busy.
hugs to you all

tata birla and ambani

Thursday, May 7, 2009

me won't let me

i won't let her see me
the caress i feel of her against me
it doesn't wash off
it never will
i can't fade the moments
Me won't let Me
she on me
bloody, messy romance
it clings to me
, Always
pain from you stirs my heart's lust
she tortured my love,someone tortured yours
we share the same broken, black heart
ahhh...the pain we put each other through

Wednesday, May 6, 2009


I don't want to say anything really.
I just want you guys to look up every once in a while and pray.

Sunday, May 3, 2009


I lost a friend on 28th of this April.
this post is a dedication to him
'Ashish' i will miss you bro.Those moments though few, i will cherish them forever...
this one's for you today mate...RIP

he's sad

and i'd like for him to believe
that he's gone to
a better place
a happy hunting ground
with open arms
by loved ones
wearing white linens

and maybe that is what
you should believe
but this world
here now for you
is just silent pain

and I realize
that death is
a freight train with
no fucking brakes

maybe we're the stronger
accepting our fate in death
or maybe
we're the foolish ones
in strong genetic coding
and bullshit
and nonsense
and poetry
and love

the only thing certain
in life
is death

so I say

Friday, May 1, 2009

he n me

He:i didn't like what she left behind.

me:neither do i.

he:i told you.

me:i had to try.

he:i want you to be me.

me:but i am you.

he:you were.

me:i will try keeping temptations at bay.

he:i hope for your sake you don't falter again.

Thursday, April 30, 2009

tossed card

it comes to him part by part
a little faded
her smile,eyes,voice, and hair
he knows she's doesn't care
he was not the one
he was not rich

i remember how he felt
every time he saw her
wide smiles
aching body
buzz in heart

he got addicted
she was a drug
she got him high
A glimpse was enough to satisfy
and just like that
he is now a 'card', tossed aside

Tuesday, April 28, 2009

my fear

i can't describe the ways i like you, they're buried underneath these years of pride, farce, chance, humanity.I can't get close to you, you're more distant than concept, absolution, certainty. I starve to understand you. I ache when i consider you.Will i quench my desire or will i embrace the potency of fate. My will is to defy. my fear consumes me. the path is always silent, it seems.

Friday, April 24, 2009

She and the Moon

Reflecting light back to the moon
And broadcasting their girlish love
The moon and she

She can be so far away
And hold him with intimacy still
He swells as she swells and wanes as well
With her and only her

Dedicated to two most beautiful people i know.

Saturday, April 11, 2009

this dreams's on me

Future Fiction

you're there with pretty green strings
strung to misfortune and desire,mismatching attire
you smile from across the heaven
and fabricated a feelings's seeds
you lift yourself from the hardness
and your dreadful spiteful deeds
and I whisper to the bartender,
"The next dream's on me"

you stare into your glass
focused on empty lust and greed
scanning down the path
for a young strong worthy steed
but your picture's just the past
and your tears are why you bleed
and as you scrape your dusty pockets
the next dream's on me

and he pours another glass
says, "this one's free"
and your eyes find me finally
and then you see
that your worries are just boundaries
where your mind and spirit meet
and I lift my glass deliberately
"this dream's on me"

Thursday, April 9, 2009

Gazillion Things About Me

This was supposed to be published on my birthday but lazy me kept on postponing it...
i was tagged by Big B to do this gazillion TAg.I have to post like 125 random things about me,so BIG Bro here it is...
i hope u guys don't fall sleep reading (seriously)...

1.I love chocolates
2.i am addicted to my computer
3.Flame shots are my specialty...just give me a bottle of vodka.
4.In school i was as slim as a chopstick.
5.I don't want to die.
6.I am a romantic person and i had it my way i will make sure my special one never forgets our first valentine.
7.I don't believe in true love anymore. in winters make me happy.
9.I like to get drenched in rains
10.I am happiest when i am sleeping.
11.I don't like eating out.
12.MMy Mom have been told by 7 astrologers that i will murder some1.I haven't killed anyone...yet.
13.A dog bit me once,when i was picking the ball,I was a kid then.
14.My vision is weak...and i have to wear spects now.I don't like myself.
15.Dream Girl: Suman From Maine Pyaar Kiya.
16.First blogger i met: Mayz.
17.I am scared of driving bikes.Haven't driven one in last 5 years. problem in adjusting at anyone's place...just show me the bed.
19.I love my biceps.
20.I am an atheist.
21.Can play "sa re ga ma" on Guitar.
22.I have watched REVOLVER over 100 times.
23.My birth-certificate says my name is Vishal
24.I love to sleep...i can sleep for 12-13 hours on a trot.


1. Dated someone twice → No.
2. Been cheated on? → Yes
3. Kissed someone & regretted it? → No.
4. Lost someone special? → Yes
5. Been depressed?→ Yes
6. Been drunk and threw up? → Yes, thrice.


1. Made new friends → Yes.Two great ones.
2. Fallen out of love → Yes.
3. Laughed until you cried → yes.
4. Met someone who changed you → yes,a little.
5. Found out who your true friends were → Yes
6. Found out someone was talking about you → Yes
7. Kissed anyone on your friend's list → Nope
8. Made the first Move → No
10. Do you have any pets → No,I had pets when i was a kid.
11. Do you want to change your name → No
12. What did you do for your last birthday → Stayed at home.Had dinner with mom.
13. What time did you wake up today – 8:21 a.m.
14. What were you doing at midnight last night→ chatting with a girl
15. Name something you CANNOT wait for → April 15th
16. Last time you saw your father → 2002
17. What is one thing you wish you could change about your life → more money...
18. Most visited webpage → Gmail, Facebook and Demonoid.


1. What's your name→ Vikram
2. Nicknames→ vicky,vp and vikku.
3. Height → 5'11”
4. Zodiac sign → Aries
5. Male or female or transgendered → Male
6. Elementary→ Campus School Pantnagar university
7. Schools → Campus School Pantnagar university
8. Colleges → SIMT,Rudrapur
9. Fantasy:to have a house of glass surrounded by jungle,it's raining and i am looking through the glass,a cup of coffee in my hand.
10. Hair color → Black
11. Long or short → short
12. Ever been in love? Yes, once
13. Do you have a crush on someone? → Yes, The current count is 2.
14. Piercings → want one
15. Tattoos → never
16. Righty or lefty → Righty
17. First piercing → Soon
18: First best friends → Sid
19. First sport you joined: Cricket and Chess
20. First pet → Dog named 'Tony'.
21. First vacation → hmmmm...punjab,jalandhar
22. First concert → Never
23. First crush --> Manisha
24. Eating → ? ---------
25. Drinking → Beer in my class 10th holidays.I was in Naini tal with friends.I drank 2 glasses.
27. I'm about to → sleep.

28. I was once inspired my Adolf Hitler.I was in Class 9 then.
29. I love milk.1/2 liter everyday in the giant glass i have.
30. Listening to--> Quit playing games with my heart-BB
31. I don't forgive easily.
31. I don't forget a favor either.
33. I have a little scar on my left temple from an accident.
34. I was in car accident in june 2007,nose broke from 2 places.I don't think i look good anymore.

35.I eat anything that can be eaten by you.I eat good,healthy low-fat food.
36.I am always interested to go 'places'.I am a traveler.
37.I was Mr. Farewell on my graduation day in 2006.
38.I am too attached to my belongings,my shoes,my mobiles etc...
39.I fell in love with a friend.
40.When i get drunk : i chat a lot and eat a lot of chicken
41.Though i have a lot of patience but I hate to wait.
42.I quit smoking but after 6 months started again.
43.I love tempting and mysterious.
44.I made my first buck when i was 8 or 9.
45.When i feel lonely i go to sleep.
46.I miss talking to my dad.
47.I don't like to fight.If someone does, i don't spare them.
48.I am shy ,when it comes to talking to girls.
49.Sometimes i weep and weep a lot.
50.I rarely watch Hindi movies.Hollywood is my flavour.
51.I prefer to hit the gym then to go to a pub.
52.I like to shave every 3rd day.
53.My Girl-Friends say i seemed arrogant to them at first.
54.Don't believe in miracles and fate.I look for logical explanations always.
55.My Fav. song is "Come Undone" By Duran Duran
56.I have been hit-on by both sexes.
57.I have watched Whole of Friends Seasons during exam season.


58. Want kids? --> No
59. Want to get married ? --> No
60. Careers in mind? --> Taxi driver,Business tycoon
61. In 2006, i gained a lot of muscle and looked my best till now.I miss the me from 2006.
62.Fav actor(Male):Hollywood:- John Trivolta in past, Russell Crowe & Denzel Washington at present.
63.Fav actor(Female):Hollywood:- Meryl Streep & Jodie Foster, Kate Winslet at present.
64.Fav actor(Male):Indian:- Abhay Deol.
65.Fav actor(Female):Indian:- Konkana sen.
66.I don't want to be a Coder.I want to be a manager.
67.I want to learn Kick boxing.
68. Lips or eyes → Eyes
69. Hugs or kisses→ Kisses
70. Shorter or taller → Taller
71. Older or Younger → both
72. Romantic or spontaneous → Spontaneous
73. Nice stomach or nice arms → stomach ...lolz
74. Sensitive or loud → different roles in different places.
75. Hook-up or relationship → relationship
76. Sex on first date → Maybe.
77. Trouble maker or hesitant → Troublemaker
78. Kissed a stranger → Yes, maybe ;D ...ehehee
79. Lost glasses/contacts → Yes Glasses -- many times.
80. Broken someone's heart → Yes.
81. Had your own heart broken → Yes.
82. Been arrested → No
83. Turned someone down → Yes
85. Cried when someone died → Yes
86. Liked a friend that is a girl/boy? → girl yes,i fell in love.
87. Cheated on a friend → Never.
88. Felt Betrayed → yes.Have lost count now.


89. Yourself → Always,Yes
90. Miracles → Seeing in believing,When i will see one happening only then can i believe.
91. Love at first sight → lolz...never
92. Heaven → No.
93. Santa Clause → No
94. Peace in this lifetime→ No
95. Kissing on the first date? → maybe
96. Angels → No
97. Is there one person you want to be with right now? --> Yes.
98. Had more than one boyfriend/girlfriend at one time in the past? --> No
99. You will die Young→ Yes, I want to die in forties.
100. You will end with the one you love and learn to love the one you are with – yeah why not.

101.I am scared of water.But i want to go river rafting.
102.Would love to have 50 suits and 100 pairs of shoes.
103.If u want me to do something for you...just give me a chocolate bar and ask.

104. Last beverage → Absinthe then Vodka with Limca & Ice.
105. Last phone call--> Ashish Raina,45 minutes ago.
106. Last text message→ yesterday
107. Last song you listened to→ pitbull-KRazy(ft. lil john)
108. Last time you cried→ 2 months ago
110. Last meal: Had Scrambled eggs in lunch

111.I may shift to Toronto,Canada by 2012.
112.My idol: Mahatama Gandhi
113.I want to have a physique like Enrique.That's perfection for me.
114.In my dreams i see myself as a Vampire...
115.I wish i had wings sometimes.
116.MY first prized possession was a little pencil box.
117.I love sunglasses.
118.My juniors called me 'bhokaal style'(awesomeness) in college.
119.I bashed up my senior once in college toilet coz he wanted to screw my friend's sister.I was suspended for 5 days.It was so satisfying.I loved myself for that.
120.I like to say 'issssssssshhh' whenever i forget something.
121.I love the bhokaal(godmax) word and i use it a lot.
122.I want tons n tons of money to spend on my family.
123.If i die i want my body to be sent to ALcor Life Foundation.
124.I hope i get THAT deal that will change my life and all my problems would be solve.
125.I still miss my childhood fights with my sister.

I am not tagging anyone..whosoever wants can tag themselves.
tc ppl

Saturday, April 4, 2009


Future fiction
one night in the neverland
two strangers stayed
it was raining
he was cold
she was bewitching
drenched to the core

she wrapped herself in his arms
he wraps himself in lust
the night became their trust
he mumbled,she crumbled

sloshed in temptations
they bit the apple

both played the game
they ravished
they caved

Friday, April 3, 2009

Happy Happy b'day to me N my blog...

Hi ever1,
hard to believe but it's already been a year :D
it has been a journey that i will cherish for ever.I met a lots n lots of gr8 people,who were so kind to me and made me feel loved.You guys were always here for me..not matter how stupid i sounded or how foolish my actions were.
When i look back and see what i was a year ago..i can't believe that i have this attitude now.I am so in love with myself...yes yes yes it's true,i love u but i love me more ;D
There are some special ppl who shaped my life and i can't thank them enough.
This post would not be complete without naming you guys...
my clone,my bro: heymayz,an arian to the core...thanx a ton bro,BTW you were the first one to wish me bearhugs! big B Vee,he's the big b i always missed in my life.Those talks still echo in my mind sometimes beeRhugs bro!
...met sisters,Cindy my biggest critic and fan, thank you sis,your comments are precious to me.
Sameera,sho sweet sis,always scolding me...i miss reading u a lot sis...come back plzzz
phoenix,she's so caring and helpful,always there for you.i still remember those talks with u sis.
runnerfrog, such an intelligent person he is,i just love his artistic works,a rare gem.
Sid,u bro,me n u always argue,making me see the things the way i should see them.i love his poems,so simple so deep.
preeti,whenever someone pushes me into corner,i call her.She's so gr8 with words,she can kiLL ppl with a line.
Joie,such an innocent soul,my future boss,shoo sweet person,Loves 'jalebi'!see u in nov dear;)
Ne,she changed my perception about blondes ;D.Gonna have tequila shots someday girl...thank you for being there and making me laugh.
MysLykesMeeh,she kept me walking in the right direction,giving me confidence to move on.Thank you dear.
chan,party animal to the core,out of the world attitude,& she sleeps like a baby,rest i am still trying to figure
frenchess i still remember the first time we talked,a cool person and so full of happiness.

Thanx to all who ever visited me...forgive me if i forget your name...still under the influence of green fairy...
i have to tell you all about my b'day ,i will- in coming posts...also there was a tag that i was supposed to do today,but i am really i will make sure i post a gazillion things about me next time.

tc ppl
and you stalkers i will catch ya soon... ;D

Monday, March 9, 2009

no clue

something sentimental,
in a rain
in the drops
and the sound they make
as they unflinchingly fall
touching a heavenly place

something grand,
around the trees
swinging smoothly with the wind
on a small timeworn
unlit road
way to neverland

something piercing,
can still smell
the scent
of last monsoon

and the indistinct
college memories
of you me
the high times
felt like a storm

lookin for what...
Vik has no clue

Wednesday, February 18, 2009


If there could be one moment
where you didn't cross my mind
I think I'd live forever in it
and leave the rest behind
cause I don't think
now, I truly know
that mark you left upon me
is a scar that runs real raw
and no matter how I try to fade you
from the corners of my heart
I can't seem to dull the rougher edges
to make your memory less sharp
and it's times just like these dreary days
where once you'd be the one
to hold my head tight in your arms
while I cried out all the pain
but you are just a memory
one that refuses to wane
and my own arms are my only comfort
and no tear is cried in vain
cause I don't believe I've really wept
since last I saw your face
but I'd really like to mend that now
and let every single tear cry out
so I can breathe in the fresher air
without the blur of you that lingers there

i tried to close it once and for all today
i just wanted to tell her that i was wrong
we could be the friends that we were
i called her she didn't pick up
she messaged me
"i don't want 2 talk to u.plz don't call me or msg me..."
i don't even know what i did wrong..
i loved her 100% and what i get???
i like to blame myself for everything ..but really don't know what was my fault.

now i really want to change
Vikram-nice guy = whatever that is good and doesn't hurt.

i am going to change ...
i don't believe in true love anymore...
these romantic films gave me unrealistic expectations about love..
so stupid i was,...
would try to never be again...
this was an experience ..and not only i regret it but i cherish it too..

OXY,Mayz,and SID i need that gyaan session from u guys!gonna give a call to u guys soon...

girls ..
y do guys behave the way they do??
this is one of the reason...

me gonna change and i am gonna change big time....
most of u are not going to like me..

Sunday, February 15, 2009

the call and the consequences

i just couldn't stop myself.I had to call her today.I got the news that her old number is still working from my friend Akhil.I was with my sister at that time.
I told her i want to talk to her...
She asked me bro why do u want to do this?what would you get by calling her.
i said tomorrow i don't want to think that i should have called her today.So we decided on sending an SMS.i sent an SMS..but it remained pending.So i walked out of the room and called her....she was on another call so i kept on ringing till the connection was timed out i.e. my cell displayed no answer.
I called again..again busy...after 6 bells she picked up..
me: hi ******** vicky bol raha hoon(hi ******** vicky speaking)
she: hi
me:happy valentine's day to you
she:thank you
me:where have u been ,no news nothing,haven't been in touch
she:i am in Lucknow doing my training
me:in TCS??
she: no
me:what platform
me:so you are going in that stream now
she:when ur call came i was on other call from home.They are on hold.we will talk later.
me:ok bye

call disconnected

i was nervous by that time,couldn't breathe properly.Maybe it's my weak heart.
anyways i went into the room and whispered into my sister's ear..y do i get so nervous when i talk to her..?but we weren't alone so couldn't talk.
anyways i didn't call her again.I felt like i was shot again,i thought and i am still thinking why am i doing this to myself and still i'm looking to never give her up.Why?Why?why? i can't find an answer.i am feeling like a neglected fruit.
i called up sheetal(our common friend) when i reached home and asked y didn't u tell me she's in lucknow..she said,it was not a big thing ..and i thought it wasn't important.I think of sheetal as my sis and she cares for me,scolds me too.
she said i don't know why are you doing this brother...she doesn't care about you.Y do u care for her so much.Don't think so much about her.Please concentrate on your studies and career.i want to see u at the place where you should be.
she also told me that whenever she talks to her she can't talk about me and whenever she talks to me she can't talk about her. "what happened to our friend circle bro.It's not the same anymore.You keep focus on your career and don't think too much."

then i called Akhil ..and told him about the conversation(if it was one),i asked him how long did she talked to you(he had called her earlier.He told me that at first his call was on waiting too.but then she talked with him as they used to do normally in college and they talked for 11 minutes or so.She also told him that there was some problem at home so she was busy talking to them when his call was on waiting.

but she did talk to him for 11 minutes and me..not even a minute.
She wasn't her normal self with me as the last time.
or maybe she really was on hold with call from home and didn't have the time to talk with me...but then she could've given me a missed call afterwards.

i have been upset after that ..came to room and my friends asked waht's wrong buddy?
i said nothing me good guys.but they knew and they know that me not the same that i am usually.anyways i didn't talk about anything.

i called my friend Anshu who lives in delhi and talked to him.He was like "why are u feeling low bro,you should be happy that u talked to her..that's what you wanted,Right??.You should be proud of your love for her.Have faith in your love."
I was so not getting these words.I am feeling like someone who's been shot again and again and still wants to get shot.Doomed by love.It's that i am not able to understand why she's doing this...i had to blurt it all out here.i know all of you will say...move on.But guys i just can't,i have tried but i can't and why..i really don't know.

maybe i am a foolish one
who ate the forbidden apple
like a hole in the night
to dead to fight
old metal in the dust
left to rust
in happy endings
and bullshit
and nonsense
and poetry
and love

the call
still hurts my ears
living the fears
holding my tears
don't want to speak
my heart beat is bleak
it still pumps but
i can't breathe
even a smile is a burden now

you know what rip tide feels like?
when the water's in you
squeezing your lungs tight
a tragic breathless fight
bursting wide your insides

and i died that time
a washed up child
abandoned like
the lifeless shells
left aside by wayward ladybugs

one instant may mean more than you could ever know
and in that instant you might lose everything you never know

Saturday, February 14, 2009


wrapped up
blood-red and absorbing
radiating love-light
a stemmed flower
the prize of the day
can say it all

the loneliness sets in,
as the day gets young
soon comes the night
wonder who will
be my Valentine

at crossroads
lone eyes
and none other to look into
playing with words

Tuesday, January 20, 2009

a year ago

It was only three days and a year ago
i don't even know if u counted
but i know that you know
someone's still holding on
waiting & breathing dreams
dancing with the wicked
listening to stupid heart
who has
took the wheel again

decades of romance,
surrounding me and still
not existing at all

smell of the earth
whenever and wherever it rains,
will always remind me of you
making me smile
because you were way too close,
on my side of the road
because you are way too close,
for me not to fall in love again!