Sunday, August 31, 2008

36-carrat diamond

In the darkness he lives, the loveless and the lovelorn.
Sometimes it's like i am already in hell
made a reservation unknowingly long ago
love is like a
36-carrat diamond-studded solid gold riddle.
There's some part of me that cannot accept that i should give up...
i remember how happy i used to be. i need to restore it.To change things i would need to change myself first.i have a gr8 career ahead of me and in my heart all i want is peace.when i die...i want to die knowing myself.i got things to go and places to do

I need to smile a little and let sunshine in
life is good..i just need to see it.
already on the verge of the brink
maybe i am not reading the situation exactly right.
how much can i live with
how less can i die with

I ask "So does time changes you?"
he whispers "sure,u grow older"

Saturday, August 30, 2008


my sis from Canada says that i am ruining my life
and i am ruining it myself?
she says be friends with her...
tell her that u have moved on

should i lie? ..i am so screwed..
i can't shoot the puppy

Friday, August 29, 2008


i didn't read any book or course material...just launched straight into it.
Why should I study for an English exam?
All my life i have been studying English
in school,colleges,wasn't that enough to prepare me for this exam...
that's what i wanted to i went without even lookin at past papers.
on 21 i had three exams,listening,reading writing.
Here's how they went:
we were given 40 minutes for listening,
i was done with it in 30.
the headphones were cool...infra-red ones.
First time i had seen them,
they told us to put them on 5 minutes before the exam
And i was surprised to hear a Ghazal by Jagjit singh..
i was like WTF?it's an English exam me some english one
anyways when the tape was over ...
i transferred my answers on the provided answer sheet.
there were 40 questions i think i got 35 right.
then we had the reading test ...
i had to answer some questions based on passages.
1 hr was given..i finished in 20 minutes
again i got 35 right i think.
but time just won't pass...
we were not even allowed to go outside for a minute
so there i was lookin at others,who were busy reading passages.
i was feeling so sleepy.
anyways at last i was handed the written exam question paper
we were again given 60 minutes
there were 2 questions..
1. i had to write an application
2.i had to write an essay

i completed both in 40 mintes
i was literally asleep by the time exam got over.

anyways the last one was speaking module
it was held in a resort on 23rd
i was so confident that i would get 8 band in this.

i was led to room no.219 and there she was
my examiner..Deepa Dogra
as i sat down she turned on the recorder
and initial introductions were done
she asked about my background
my study..and why i was giving this exam.
then it was time for cue card.
the cue card topic was was above my level.
it was--History of britains museums and artifacts
i had to speak for 2-minutes continuously on it,
and had to cover 3 topics.
1.king Arthur
2.Queen Elizabeth iii
3.something famous from britain

i had seen a movie on king arthur some 2 years back
i spoke a bit i knew from that experience
for third question i spoke of east india company
and i stopped, a pause of 8-9 secs or more..i am not sure
the examiner couldn't say anything as the recorder
was on.she pointed her finger to the Queen elizabeth ..
i had to speak but i knew nothing about her
so i said,...
she was a beautiful woman.had three sisters..
was loved by church ..bla bla...

this is where i think i lost my bands...
the result would be out on 2nd september ..
hope i get something around 7.
I really need it.

Thursday, August 28, 2008

back in rains

back to rainville
dark black clouds
rumbling noises
falling raindrops
a thought
sounds of lightning strikes
the wind,the smell,the rain
At last no sun,no sweat, all pain.

an unexpected change of events
calls for an unexpected change of my mind
sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep sleep all day
unpolished and battered
swallowed by confusion
i need someone...
someone to cheer me up
someone to uncork me
someone to make me sleep
someone to hold me tight
someone with those hugs
someone with that touch
someone to take a shower in my mind

He can't understand what it is
but i bet it is.

he makes a face & says "Vik you need to be colder than hypothermia
to walk on this path".

Monday, August 18, 2008


voluminous love can feed hunger
the hunger of deeply demanding mind
now he's like Mr.noplan Mr. nowhere
there ain't no destination
the path ain't clear
even the sweets are sour
no gleam,no glow,no happy show
in time what's love he will know
there's no tellin what can happen....

joyce said "The best proof of love is trust.
he trusts her...but does she??
Friendship often ends in love...he thought so too.

If there exists anything like souls, then the ingredients of, hers and mine are the same.

wish I wasn't crying all the time, but... I am.All i want is her
to be with me. y am i so selfish?is it rain?is it my ego?

ps :-
Soon it's his big day. is he ready for it?... am i
ready for it?
he has to get up in d morning
he'll catch the bus to jalandhar,Punjab
he has his exams on 21st (three of them) and 23rd.
he won't be here for few days
and he doesn't know when he'll come back
best of luck to him for the exams.He needs to pass it,to runaway from land of rains and pains.
he will miss all of you...i don't know what he'll do all these days without u guys..
shit...he's so attached to this place..a week off would really hurt him.
With sleep dust still in my eyes i am off to sleep now.Hope he sleeps too...have a long 15 hour journey ahead.
tc guys will be back in 7-8 days..keep rocking and miss me and rains. :)

Sunday, August 17, 2008

rainy times

the sound of the rain crashing down
mowing this polluted town
rainwater is all around
it moves rhythmically on
the ground
rain-drops producing sounds lovable to mind
rain engulfed horizon
he watches it with coffee in his hand
on incomputable rainy days
on incomputable rainy nights
ah.. these rainy times

in rains he dreams
of the love streams
bathing in thoughts
acting like a mime
feeling low and high
both at the same time
ah..these rainy times

beneath a thousand drops he stands
to absorb???to release???
how can i know what he thinks
he's not the him i knew
Mr.wild and free,Mr.heart of gold
locked like a cage,sold for a dime
breathless i rhyme
ah..these rainy times

he patiently punishes himself
thinking of those times
trying to finish the puzzle
with all the pieces he can find
living those tragic moments,the tragic loss
that stuck dagger tore more through his heart
can rain dilute this?
..this what he feels.

ah..these rainy times

wave after wave of rains
washes away the pains
he needs to get out of these trains
still he refrains
pain drains thorough the cracks in his heart
eyes weep tears seep
ah..these rainy times

P.s. Here's a quote from the movie "Amazing grace"

"why is it that you only feel the thorns in your feet,,when you stop running."
y that is ..I'll never fully understand.

Friday, August 15, 2008

craving for luv

these thoughts are like crackers
the innerspring shatters
and he places his head against the wall,
remembering those days of fun and fall
no route no path b/w myself
ahh..the dirges of missed love

To cover his thoughts
he trys to refurbish this broken heart
this vast unending overgrowing craving for love
engulfing overpowering drowning him,
filling the heart upto the brim
slowly scratching the inside walls,
looking for relevance malls

does he believes?
in himself, his cause?
looking at the horizon
having no destination.
I hope he can convince me.

P.S. --read this quote somewhere and had to share...
""Once hanged man feels invincible
twice hanged, and he finds truth
learns to keep reptile eyed friends
at arms length.""

Tuesday, August 12, 2008

somewheres in the rain and wind

somewheres in the rain and wind
they come to him in his dreams
whispering secrets
of the feeling of what he has seen

there he walks
once enslaved
unable to speak fully
now free
he examines and anatomizes every fragment of his stuck-up life,
looking for the drops of rain

it's fragile in a way distance isn't
but he wouldn't know that, all he know is
it isn't a parking lot,
In the dark alleys of his heart
he stands there holding own hands

as the rain falls
it's business as usual
he stops attending calls

rain cutting down his face making realms
bathed in pain, as the drops play cards on his dreams

somewheres in the rain and wind
decepting him in the mind
as a black and white photograph of a man
cigarette dangling, beer glass in the left hand
each arm perched on the shoulder of a woman
even then it doesn't wash off
it never will

traveling on the backs of moments
and i slowly follow him
to a place called privy
place that eased my anguish
the embrace of a dear friend
he wants more from life than memories
i've had so many dreams

somewheres in the rain and wind
a giant thinking about his thoughts
still looking for his treasure
doesn't know what he is doing
he knows now that colourful ties can only get him this far
so it's time to remove these shoes
and walk back into his own backyard

he huddles around
sometimes sleeps on the ground
he was expendable
not necessarily the one that was needed

Monday, August 11, 2008

monsoon rain

in the clouded haze
the concern of expecting drops
the sound of first drop kissing the earth
drenching in the rain
these moments
i could live forever there

all these diamonds
riding on the wet leaves

burnt heart smolder
tingle and shiver
in a monsoon rain
she slips as a whisper
these moments he leans in firmly

Saturday, August 9, 2008

she her n Lov

as he sensitively touches at this fragile pain
there’s portion to fill
and memories to meet
under all this stinging prestige

Few,they know where to float
the place they are meant to rise
he hopes to be among those few
but..when will the moment come,
the moment for him to dash away free
the length waiting upon his groping hands

living in the thoughtland
in-between the pains and Rains
he always extends his stay

his stupid lonely soul is dying
the only respite he has- is crying

just another hole left open
just another wish not granted
just another hour on the clock
just another minute passing by.
stumbling over words about me,myself,i,she,her & love.

Wednesday, August 6, 2008

riots of emotions

i don't 'think'
i am a 'thought'
i is somebody,not me,the me they see
thoughts born,live and die,
i watch and i listen
this grey matter of mine like to play tricks sometime...

these visions of her,
always ruling my mind
she is my Queen of spades,
that fabulous sea-mermaid
she's fine and she's here,
she's smiling and she's laughing
i sight,i hear,i see,i feel and breathe in them
shame on these electric pulses in ma mind,
also tell me she's not here.
i had nothing but 'heart' on me,
you took it all away...
who would save my soul now,
finding comfort in pain
I'm so cold from fear...

a symphony stirs in the depths,
waves of love were the starting,
cyclones of pain are the ending...

oh,the riots of emotions...
ahhh.. tears and rain
I have totally forgotten what salvation is like,
still drinking from my broken cup..

Monday, August 4, 2008


it flows from spout to porcelain
and it hasn't rained like this in days
i'm a cold sweat in an awkward pause
but we all fumble for perfect words

where's the phrase thats going to turn her
as they all delve deep into pockets for the scrap of paper
carved with passion
that will no doubt ease their longing

another toast(milk) to this wet plant
who knows without knowing
the blindest eyes can hear the truth we miss between syllables

but no ones blessed or rested
we're all just serving time
and you can't dig forgiveness
without fucking up the perfect crime

Sunday, August 3, 2008

another sleepless night of memories

Those days those times
drowning in delight
didn't look at my watch once
pretend you heard it in a movie,
no time passes like the time we passed it up
and night talks have a way about themselves.
i can't fade the moments
Me won't let Me
you with me
bloody, messy romance
it clings to me, Always
i feel the pain I've put you through
but i'm in love with only You

you not with me now
a fact that gleams
the way the memory replays itself
begins to hurt my eyes
and my muscles like a burning

I still dream that
someday wind will back me,
And she'll embrace me as her own
I'll think back on all I've left behind
Laughing, thinking on all I still have

can't quite grip this,
suspicious eyelids blinking
to keep the light out in turn

taking leave of boundless love,
i'd shudder to think of how
but tomorrow there'll be loneliness,
and it all seems darker now

i think love is like sand,
the way it behaves as it falls through hands.
this Road was never meant to end
these who are Strangers now, were old friends.

i think that i have cried in the past couple of days over some such silliness that left my life so hollow feeling
this isn't a poem
it isn't a story,it isn't anything creative
i hope that i'm dumb sometimes and i just don't see the shit

going to cry myself to sleep with the light off...
nearly forgot to wish my dear ones..
Sid,Ashu,Mujji,Anshu,Akhil,sheetal,shilki and sukku.
i know you are always there for me whatever happens.
Happy Friendship day to all of you.