it's like this

it's the fierce shift between forth and fifth,
keys change , heads lift ,
and tomorrow's sorrows like a subtle lisp ...

as another love subtly rolls by,
his tender heart silently cries,
and you ask what's it's like ?

anyone can write ,  it's ink on paper and experiences in life,
placed and paced down over extensive devotion of movements of emotions...

there's a time for us all ,
a time to stand down and fall ,
and I am all about not giving up
but
love has it's way of seeping in whether i like it or not
and now I am convinced
that I've found you
and time is at its best

simple things love ,
simple things ,
like your shoes ...
like my eyes
and the way they shine
when you're reflected in them,
all the wine and time
where the faces blur
but you know
you're a prodigy like
wind through the hair
or the memory scents
in fresh cut grass
and the child like ways that linger there
and the children's care free childhood cares


someone , if they could please tell her , to not take so much time,
just in case if she wants to grace this heart ,
for more then the time
it takes for me to
wait...

because I am tired,
but still I am convinced that I've found you ,
oh the distractions of those memory scents
makes one want to exist but...
wait ..
it's like this ...

Written for the OctPoWriMo

Find me...

I stood on the shore and listened to the water splash gently against the broken pieces of the concrete that had been placed there by hands that were not my own.Hands with artistic ways.

I looked out across a vast landscape of water and clouds and thought of all the things that didn't belong to me.

Things that existed that I couldn't touch or see.

Things that were acquired or purchased, second hand,

in an attempt to find an era , a place in time that was not now.

I looked down, through the distasteful water and saw pebbles brought downstream with the current.

..where the river meets the bay ,that's where you will find me.

Locked away in a lonesome floating cottage , rainboy with a pen in the hand.

Humming a tune that has been stolen from another place in time,

a house borrowed, second hand ,from an era that was not mine.

Chant

Kicking over open bottles, ready for throat-torn melody,
closing doors and listening...

chant for those who drank, their own dreamed heavens,
seams tattering, threads untangling...

chant for Stardust on sky floor, twinkling white under carelessly,
dropped from lips of a cigarette...

chant for those in full body lust, looking for true moments,
tasting frozen seconds like water...

If nothing else, chant for me, because my head is spinning, and I"m dying to dance.

A beautiful dream

intoxicating incense in my room,
a pink flower lying beside me
He kept looking ,
smiling and telling her she was beautiful
folded elbows, carefree talks,
gazing in her eyes for an instant or an eternity

in-between coffee sips we make time,
to casually kiss
like it means nothing,
maybe it doesn't,
or maybe it means everything,
maybe my thoughts are confused
but my eyes see you eyeing,
I see the color in your cheeks,
when I slide my fingers over yours,
and plant soft kissed on your hands
your smile is high and rising
A dream came true in this dream,
a beautiful soul to which he must adapt
you are eyes and mind,
and words over words,
and no one can love enough
to deserve a soul as beautiful as you.

Monsoon at Pune

a wool blanket,

the way it scrapes.

cheap slippers on the feet,

jumping in water puddles on cold wet concrete... 

the smell of earth intoxicating the soul,

streaky windows are a picturesque stroll, 

life is a bliss,

letting  perfect golden little light in our morning kiss...

The rain,

it makes the nature hum,

playing romance on soft drums,

making our days lazy and fun

The sky turns white as angels,

there is a new freshness in the air,

you feel the gift and it's flair,

The drenched hitch

the first attempt,

at homemade 'pakoras'

Another film

with friends and drinks

Mending thoughts

of the ones that were lost

Making plans

of visiting faraway places

remembering, 

that hardwood and her cute little cup,

her coffee,

our love

Weather she wanted it or not.

P.S . : There is something about rains that makes me want to pour my thoughts here. After-all it's monsoon time , so it has to rain in rainville :) .

To my readers , I've missed you all. 

Cheers!!!

One for you...

here's to you, moon
and all the wine drank
under your eyes,
and to lovers who feel
your breath on their necks
and streaked ripples
cutting through ink black puddles
and to hanging on
to the last streaks of the night

A Dream that goes nowhere

---

hazy, like the fade-out of an old film that takes immortality to end
wise infinities,these fuzzy memories
I am the spectator,viewing as drama unfolds glistening amidst the skeletal of my mind,like a Shakespeare's play

In this post the major players are :
(i). The sweet smiling city-girl with her zesty attitude
(ii) Yours truly, always a little confused, yet witty, none the less with nothing left to loose
(iii) Of less significance, two random stranger men, yet important to the main characters development

the stage is set for this dreams gathering...
city-girl relaxing upon a low lying mattress, with the two strange men,
in a suite glittering with dim illumination of scented candles...
She smiles significantly in mid conversations or relays some part of her play-book of past to them and yours truly spectates not uninvited, but still he feels he has intruded upon some seductive ploy

The tall dark man with smiling eyes, laughing, adding humor to the scene, cracking lame jokes and throwing stolen glances in the city-girls direction...
They feel a little uncomfortable for actions of their past - the devil deeds, between the time they have spent in dark and the emotions they exchanged, both feeling little mispositioned and lost in the anonymous man's presence

he sparkles radiant in his anxiety,
his radiance is contagious,so much that the other man joins in tossing glances at their darling female friend, the poor little victim of her own beauty's creation

I am sure that you are thinking where this drama is going
sadly it's really just an over decorated personal entry of sleep patterns & paranormal remnants laced with emotional components through neural connections
my dream-waves of presence

And as I re-spawn into this waking planet
a chaste of sorts flows down my roads, the dream as insignificant as it was
left me stuck on one thought,like sweet honey to it's own pot,
that of all the things which I could dream & remember even
the sweet girl of the city remains within the folds of my neural activity

In a short show summary of less grandiloquent content:

Baby, I dream of you as often as I breathe.

---

Happy birthday to me

he told me about his fears
all the girls and all the friends
and how my B'day means nothing

How all these poems
and how the pain means nothing ...and you thought love was something...
just wait...

but still there are going to be storms on
April the 3rd

b'day cakes and travel
thinking I better wish myself
and wrap myself as a gift for him
like tears in mimic
as i lay shaking
not an alone orphan
a child of blooming instinctive instinct
crying in his arms.

distant

Every word I strained to hear
amidst the rains
was about you

the betrayals and the promises
the room I painted for you
echoes of distant memory
they just won't die


With time I've learned
that God made emotions
but we shape them

We can be the masters
or
We can be the slaves
Some have the power make themselves Happy

I don't care anymore
whether it's raining
it's snowing
or it's spring
I want nothing
but happiness
and some kisses and hugs ;D

Let's paint a masterpiece
some beautiful thoughts
and flip the light switch for the audience :D

sweet memories...

He's beside her; clasping her hand
staring at her innocent face; lost in dreams
lips;tender like rose petals
fighting the urge to kiss,to touch; He could never lose control
feeling sleepy; the shutters just won't close.
the sight was too precious; his eyes could never be sore
the smell of her hair,softness of her cheeks
He couldn't believe; He was living a dream

i wait for you .

---

As the night begins to undress,
i wait for you .
Grasping at candles in the dark,
I wait for you .
Contradictions spinning tangled webs of thought,
i wait for you .
Heart plastered against walls,
i wait for you .
Caressing false hope,
i wait for you .

---

Cleaning cobwebs

When it rained,
He wished he was home.
drenching on the terrace,
crying and happy
he wanted to be at home

He came home.
It rained
He drenched n cried
He felt all alone…

---

Every time I get this question so what’s your dream…
I don’t know what to say…If I truly say what I want then most will not like it.
So, I say what they want me to say like a ‘CEO’ or ‘Billionaire’.
But I don’t want to be an CEO or a very rich man, I just want to have enough satisfaction in my life. For me that means I want my family to be happy, my mom and my sis. I want to travel the world with my soul mate to see all the wonders. To be able to help a friend when In need. To do half the things on my bucket list(yes, I have one, yeah, I am insane ;P).But I still don’t know what I would do to get to that satisfaction in my life. I still have not found that what I would be happy doing. All I know is the destination, not the path. I have no plan no money no job and I am still a virgin (*blush blush) . But I do love myself for being a good guy. As far as I know, I have never betrayed anyone and I know I will never.

This is only place that I feel free…I don’t care what anyone thinks about me but I just can’t stop writing that I feel like or I go through. I don’t have a personal diary that I would or may read in future but I do have –rainVille –my public diary. It’s been so long. I have missed this place a lot.


Some little changes have taken place in my life:-

I quit my job at Dell last month!

Now, a basic question that everyone’s asking me is …why? What was the reason??
Actually there were three reasons…

1.Health issues. I am a fitness freak and anything that interferes with my fitness I dislike that. Since Feb I was away from home and gym, feeling so bad for losing my physique slowly with time and then this job at Dell, the odd timings of it destroyed my toned muscles. This was the prime reason for quitting Dell.
2.No use of my knowledge. I have been studying Coding in Computer Languages for last six years. At dell I couldn’t use any of that knowledge (as if I fuckin have any ;D).I didn’t study for that long to work in a call center.
3.well there aren't any beautiful girls there ;)


Crush!

I like a girl who remembers each dialogue of MPK(Maine Pyaar Kiya ) by heart. For the first time in my life I met someone who has seen that movie more times than me ;)
I don’t know when I started liking her but the day I felt that I should tell her, I did.
She told me that she still loves someone and that I should concentrate on building my career, whatever the god wants will happen. She’s been a good friend and she’s a very beautiful person at heart. I don’t like it when she cry’s and she does that a lot. Everyday, I miss the beautiful moments I spent with her.I hope that she keeps smiling all the time.


It’s coming !

Everyone has this fuckin bad side to them, The one that’s responsible for the untold secrets, the dark side, taboo, things that u don’t want to talk about. It’s forbidden, against the rules and that makes it tempting. He has this evil inside of him too. The fuckin flip-side of the coin. Which he kept and still keeps on suppressing everyday. But it’s getting stronger and he feels that. He can sense a big change in coming days. Sometimes he sees glimpses of him in things he has done. He wants to stop it, But it’s inevitable now.
Maybe this will be a good thing.

Now I need to end this super long post,I don’t know when I’ll post next or come to visit your blogs.I am too busy thinking ,planning and sorting stuff in my life. But, I can fuckin promise u one thing…I am not leaving, still a lot of juice left in this boy.



Have been reading ‘Joan.Konner.The.Atheist's.Bible’…

I found an interesting quote in REVELEATIONS chapter by anonymous…

I believe in God;I just don’t trust anyone who works for him.

---

she's,

she's a heavenly thought
her heart is pure in billion distinct ways
like a searchlight,sparkling in my eye
she's pure like the touch of drops
like childhood sunsets
She's that time of the night
when everything is soaked in moonlight

she's a memory,i hope to create

...she's an arrow shot in the dark,...straight through my heart.

...

the longer i remain the less i shine... persisting here would certainly lead to pain...

this week...

I am continuing from my last post...
So,we started our process training,we had to give 12 compliance test.It was so boring...i don't know why Dell ppl made us go through it.It was a waste of time.
We teared down desktops ans laptops and assembled them again.For three days we did this and in between had lots of fun, listening to paranormal experiences of my classmates.SOme of those stories were so childish hehe...,I have never believed in ghosts and spirits,so,it was so much fun pulling there leg.
We even watch the exorcism of emily rose videos on you tube.One girl started weeping.And i was like why do u watch this stuff when u can't handle it lolz

anyways,the cafeteria vendor has changed and the food he serves tastes yuck...so yuck...
But i have no other option, I have to eat that yucky food.The other day the plates were dirty so i complained to vendor and still the next plate i got was same,that was enough for mei have sent a mail to facilities people.

And I have moved to delhi now.I live in lajpat nagar.It's so full of life.That's where my sis lives.My prime reason to move there.I met her for lunch yesterday after long long time.It was wonderful.I am so lucky to have a sis like mine.
I saw 'Angels and demons' yesterday and i loved it.It was all about science vs religion.My fav topic and I got my first salary on friday...yipeeeee,it feels so good.
I am going to send all of it to my mom.I wanted to do this for a long long time.
take care people i will catch ya again next week.

a journey,new begining

i wanted to post this for along time,but never had the time.Alas,the time has come and here how it goes...
in feb i landed in noida for training in HP.It was fun,the trainers and my class mates.I always sat on the backbench.People joined me soon everyone was calling us the 'backbenchers'.Met some good people there...some are good friends now.
The flat where i stayed was a penthouse, an unfurnished one on 7th floor.The terrace was all ours.Then came my b'day,i bum got it's share of kicks ;D and my face got a CAKEPACK.My flat mates were so nice,i miss u guys.I still remember the day i was giving my b'day party to my HP mates and it started raining.We all on roof and getting drenched in rain having vodka and Absinth.It will stay in memory for a long time.
In between i met my blog clone mayz for the first time...actually the first blogger i have met till yet.We met at Spice mall and had a coffee.Then we went to gold gym,mayz wanted to join it...he was quite serious about it.But he didn't go he got too busy with job.Anyways Me and my clone met again,this time at my flat and made love to green fairy.She enchanted him too.
we watched...
the way she looks around
at the landscape
and the way she moves
almost nervous
almost profound
almost
laughing at her own words
and promises of adventures
with a couple of poets
from outta' town

He told me the secrets of that GMD song,which i never knew existed.I had a lot of fun and had that drinking session at last.Keep rocking on clone.My best wishes forever.

Training was nearing the end and i decided to have a go at Dell in gurgaon,and it was mayz who gave a ride to gurgaon that day.I got through the interview.Got a descent package and was selected as a senior technical assistant in USCTS.So I decided to join Dell.I got 'A' grade in training and i came to Dell.
First two days were induction days.I met two gr8 guys.They call us the three musketeers.But, our induction batch was divided into two. 73 A and 73 B. I was in 73 B and my two friends in 73 A.And we got a Communication trainer,Paras Mohan.The first day of training we introduced ourselves.We had to draw a Knight's Shield on a paper and divide it into 3 parts and in first part we had to draw figures representing ourselves and in second part we have to draw figures representing our education and work-experience,in third part of shield we had to draw figures representing our aim in life.And below this shield we were allowed to use words, to write our motto in life.
In first part,i drew a turtle,clouds and rain and pillar and a ladder and then we had to explain what we drew.It was so much fun.
We acted in a skit about modern Ramayana (where Ravana abducts Sita)in which i acted as "Lucky the laxman" and wrote some dialogues.It was my second performance ever on stage.I have stage fright so this was big thing for me.Loved it totally and our performance was the best.

Pre-assessment happened:--
i was told that i speak too fast and their are some pronunciation problem.

The training continued.I had to rush home on my week-off's to give my final practical exam.It went gr8, and to my surprise and i topped.I got 97%.Came rushing back to Noida and it was business at usual at Dell.
On a normal day i woke up at 8 a.m. in the morning and went to bed at 2 a.m.It was killing me.ou see how ugly all this beautiful is...So, i decided to move to gurgaon.But,It would take time.I continued going to Dell from Noida.Our trainer was so good,he gave us frequent breaks,we listened to haunting stories of other batch mates,we watched Russell Peters,guitar sessions on Fridays and cricket on Dell terrace. Amazing times guys.Loved this experience there.
A friend came from UAE and gifted me a sony Cybershot 10.1 megapixel,something i wanted for a long long time.I am so grateful to him.Hopefully he clears GMAT and moves to USa. ;)
On tuesday I moved to gurgaon...but here we have power cuts and transportation is a big problem.
daily i spend 300 bucks on my food.I will move to delhi i think.This is not economical for me.
Anyways post-assessment happened :--
there were mock calls and we have to follow the script.
i goofed up the opening and there were some pronunciation errors again.But my trainer made an exception and asked me to do another mock call.My batch mates all of them wished me best of luck,and i did another mock call.It was good this time.But, due to some error,it didn't get saved after 2.5 seconds.So, i did another one.. this one again was not saved...then another,i was so nervous. But at last we managed to save it and i was through.I was congratulated by my batch mates and i was so happy that i am through to the next level,which is process training.


The next day we were introduced to our process trainer.She told us she doesn't know what fun is and once we reach Dell,we are under her command and we can never be late,even for a minute.She told us that these 9 hours are mine not yours.We all knew that honeymoon time is over and now we will see the real Dell.We had to do some compliance tests the first day and then we were free.From monday our Process training starts and i hope i can make it through.

ohh i almost forgot ... we have a Gym in Dell and i have joined it.It's been two days.I am so happy that i am working out again.

---

p.s.
---
She came in my dream yesterday,it was so beautiful.When i woke up i was all smiles.

And if i really bored you guys then u can hop on to Dewdropandleaves.

take care guys and i hope u don't mind my absence from your comment section.I really was and still i am too busy.
hugs to you all

---

tata birla and ambani

death...

---

I lost a friend on 28th of this April.
this post is a dedication to him
'Ashish' i will miss you bro.Those moments though few, i will cherish them forever...
this one's for you today mate...RIP

---

he's sad

and i'd like for him to believe
that he's gone to
a better place
a happy hunting ground
welcomed
with open arms
by loved ones
wearing white linens

and maybe that is what
you should believe
but this world
here now for you
is just silent pain

and I realize
that death is
a freight train with
no fucking brakes

maybe we're the stronger
accepting our fate in death
or maybe
we're the foolish ones
believing
in strong genetic coding
and bullshit
and nonsense
and poetry
and love

the only thing certain
in life
is death

so I say
Godspeed

he n me

He:i didn't like what she left behind.

me:neither do i.

he:i told you.

me:i had to try.

he:i want you to be me.

me:but i am you.

he:you were.

me:i will try keeping temptations at bay.

he:i hope for your sake you don't falter again.

---

tossed card

---

it comes to him part by part
a little faded
her smile,eyes,voice, and hair
he knows she's doesn't care
he was not the one
he was not rich


i remember how he felt
every time he saw her
wide smiles
aching body
buzz in heart


he got addicted
she was a drug
she got him high
A glimpse was enough to satisfy
and just like that
he is now a 'card', tossed aside

---

my fear

---

i can't describe the ways i like you, they're buried underneath these years of pride, farce, chance, humanity.I can't get close to you, you're more distant than concept, absolution, certainty. I starve to understand you. I ache when i consider you.Will i quench my desire or will i embrace the potency of fate. My will is to defy. my fear consumes me. the path is always silent, it seems.

---