CarnEvil

Monday, June 30, 2008

The call

Cell in his hand,
just pressed the keys
Will you pick up?
I've got a thousand questions
All on my time and dime

"Do you want to run away?
Do you want to see the world?
How about an hour with me?
Or a walk in the rain?"

Cell in his hand,
Waiting for the nerve
Things get so quiet 'round here now
miles away
Someone whispers your name...

"Have you ever seen the sea?
What about those stars in the sky?
Ever climb a tall tree?"

The line is ringing now
Choking down the excitement
Fighting back the fear

I can't remember the sound of her voice
Now it'll be so silly and small
I still remember the scent on the air
As she passed by and by
Things get so quiet 'round here now
I wanted to kiss you when you cried...

Impatient buzzing
A ring, a pause
then
"Hello?"
Greets this tired heart
A smile
"Hello."

Saturday, June 28, 2008

smelly thoughts

how smell triggers memories,

out of nowhere drowning in a thought streams...
of the breath the sky takes before a sunrise

listening to that silent sound...
always there at the end of every question

secret wish

the cycle says i want to be a Car
the car said i want to a diff kind of car
the rabbit wish if it was a bird
the kiwi wish if it could fly
really high into the sky,
over rooftops and the chimneys
and dive into the sea ..in the sea there's a pinkish starfish
starfish having a secret wish ..the secret wish is to
see her again.

Friday, June 27, 2008

desperate

rolling over roaming through this land inside my head,
reviewing all the shame within shit that they’ve once said
i plan to take my time and analyze them one by one wondering,
all the while, in which direction i should run
sick from wine and time and fake friends and one-sided love
desperate to break away


Someday i'll be on a bus listening to head phones and just trying to get out of whatever hell i've let loose around me that same old song will come on and i can cry.


PS:
Song would be
"Aapki nazron ne samjha pyar ke kaabil mujhe"

can't let go

i am still sticking with her
coz she's the nearest to my heart
coz she's my girl of my dreams
coz she's the smell of happiness

i can't imagine myself without her..hope she's not taken away from me
anything that she might do
i might do that too

is that what i really expect to happen??
can two people stay happy together forever??
would those people would ever be given a chance to find that out??

Thursday, June 26, 2008

stupid creative me..

if i was hug
she would be a kiss
if i was love
she would be the desire
if i was night
she would be the moon
if i was bird
she would be my wings
if i was a seed
she would the plant
if i was a tree
she would be the leaves
if i was flower
she would be my honeybee
if i was cloud
she would be wind
if i was monsoon
she would be Rain..

Tuesday, June 24, 2008

rain memories

In the land of rain i live and i love it
the smell is engulfing me-that erotic smell.
This is that time of the year a bit early though.
Brings back all those sweet memories.
those beautiful memories
there's a place i miss so immensely that i cant even bring myself to tell you about it...that and i can't remember being there.i think that i have cried in the past couple of days over some such silliness that left my life so hollow feeling.Now..this ain't a poem
it isn't a story it isn't anything creative
i hope that i'm dumb sometimes and i just don't see the shit.
Einstein said that imagination is more important that intelligence
i believe him but i also imagine that i'm careening along a narrow desert road at 110 mph wanting to be struck down to die in this abysmal dry heat of a blistering afternoons paranoia and not have to worry about the beauty being eroded away by what i'm told is the way things are

f*** you i'm dead too & i have no one to drink a toast to my death with
fuck this the days get sooooo short around here whenever i think that the rain is my dearest friend

i miss her all the time
what is wrong with me
nothing i'm fine
and you ?




i find it so comforting that one day none of this will matter

Sunday, June 22, 2008

'Maine Pyar Kiya'



Got this movie from a friend a week back and now i know what i did miss.I have watched this movie thrice in 2 days now.Maine Pyar Kiya is a surprisingly sweet romance.
This is one of the Best Films of all time. It won several awards including Best Film of the year. Directed by Sooraj Barjatya, the film has old-fashioned values which adds to to its charm, although there is an overdose of melodrama towards the end. The first half is excellent as it painstakingly depicts a blossoming romance between Prem (Salman) and Suman (Bhagyashree). Bhagyashree gives a 'to die for' performance as a naive but sweet, well mannered girl; while Salman (in one of his early film appearances) is charming without any of the macho posturing he developed later in his career. The two share some great chemistry.The sweet and clean chemistry of the lead stars make us wonder that what has gone wrong with the youngsters today that the word romance and love is more about sex that the sweetness this very emotion has.I am in love with Bhagyashree character.

The presence of melodious musical numbers ("Dil Deewana", "Kabutar Ja", "Aaja Shaam Hone" and mine favourite .."Mere RAng mein Rangne waali") make this an excellent date movie. There is also an extended musical 'antakshri' with many evergreen Hindi film songs making an appearance.It is an absolute family entertainer not to be missed.


a sick post...

His mind doubts
Between boredom and absorbing thoughts
persuading another game of "Who's got the biggest brain",
plotting to be rich And Wild

He seems unaware
Of the power he exercises
These mere mortals
Don't know the truth
living in lies and deceptions
Only a word, my dear
And you can bring this world crashing down

So lie here with me
let's watch the stars
my dear,nobody cares.
the world we know is a sick joke,screwed up
an undefeated champion is time
And it's telling the stories in it's own funny ways
what's in your head is yesterday
what's fresh everytime is today
and what you live for is tomorrow.

Saturday, June 21, 2008

reminiscing..

Went to Shilki's house today and we were reminiscing about those old days.I hold on knowing that it's never going to help me can't resist the temptation of cleaning my eyes... tears keep me sane.
Such simpler days,
a simple haze..
backyard cricket games
like heaven in a past life.

Friday, June 20, 2008

no fear..

I do not fear madness.It can't be worse than being in love.With time we all recover.

Thursday, June 19, 2008

religions..the illusion creators

I am an Atheist and i am proud of it.I don't understand why people still believe in God,Satan,myths etc. why would you still believe these stories written in book by some dark ages uneducated man.You should Keep questioning what you are being told,what you know off -as everything that you know today,you either read it in classes or it runs in your culture..i.e. everything has been fed to you.From your childhood you are brainwashed into believing what your parents believe in-- the god, religion,etc.They have weaved a web of lies,stories,and fear around your consciousness...y is it that whenever you are in trouble u seek god,ask yourself if their was anything like God and he's so gr8 ..(whatever)... Why are you not happy with your life,Who will cure cancer --God?? no..some scientist will !! Now why does he hide ?? Is God scared ?? scared of what...humans?? but you've been told he's the all-mighty ..lol..

i know your brain can't accept this..u might think of me as a retard but the truth is you just can't accept it as your whole life you have believed illusion and you are still living in it.Instead of watching all those serials about God,astrology, try to read some books ,spend time in library,enlighten yourself.Remember the house you live in,the electricity,this freedom,cars,computers,mobiles, are were made by man.Your God gave you nothing....it was the scientists because of whom you are living the life the way you are.These are not the dark ages remember...when
religions were made to be able to control people and remain in power.Look around man.. you are still holding on to those beliefs of stone age, truth is everywhere open your eyes let the light in.
you were told that visit temple everyday,don't eat egg,meat etc...so that you can go to heaven.My dear as anybody ever gone and come back from heaven...if not..then how do you know??You are living your life in this illusion.WTF...don't u have a brain...??Come on ..open it..make something out of your life...enjoy it..have everything that it offers to you.
Write a book.Publish an article.Develop a web site.Leave money to organizations that further develops science and education.Nothing has been planned for you..their is no destiny..the choice is always yours.
want to worship something then worship reason.

You know that many religions preach that they are against killing but...they also say that killing for god is divine and you'll get special treatment in afterlife.Tell me you believe this too...
I do not believe in afterlife and reincarnation but i do believe in cryonics(Google it) .And my advice to you is that live your life to fullest..try to break the rules for a single day you'll feel what you've been missing.Do not harm anyone ever...self-defense is another matter.
Religious Gurus are well funded and well organized and they still spread lies and myths,make you believe what will give them power.They target impressionable minds and moms and dads unknowingly become their adversaries.
To Enlighten everyone ..we must keep on spreading the knowledge..so donate money to scientific research institutes attend seminars help in anyways you can.

Their is no moral authority greater then man.
reject racism,loathe superstition,strive to improve human civilization.




imperfections...

Why am i always attracted towards the darkside...??
well..imperfections are hidden in darkness.. and people always hide their imperfections.......it allows us the luxury of doing what we want,of being exactly who we truly are..gives us the gift of love.

Wednesday, June 18, 2008

disenchanting

And as the decibels of disenchanting discourse continue to dampen the day...the coin flips again and again.And as the time creeps close the clock is finally dead and i look at you and you'll look at me and we'll cry a lot.....

Tuesday, June 17, 2008

sleeping

sleeping his troubles away.,finding it too hard to bear.I'm with him every step of the way.I weep for him

Friday, June 13, 2008

Concious

it talked again-- No you're not perfect. Nobody is, especially the people judging you. They can only be happy if they make other peoples lives miserable. Be you. Do what you want to do. **** those people, they're haters. The only people who you need to care about is your friends and family. You're beautiful, inside and out.

IT's been a long time since i last agreed with it's sayings.

what the F!!

People say i am not organized everything is chaos with me.what the F..who asked for their advice anyway..i know i am organized enough...theirs a symmetry to my chaos.

At least i know where i am best now...........here's the scenario of what happened today.I started my computer only to discover that all of my data was gone.It was 40 GB of my precious virtual entertainment,they said it can't be raised from dead. well as always they were wrong.

PS:
today two of my best friends(i should say sisters) came to meet.Shilki and sheetal have always been so supportive to me & i really miss them everyday.There exist this need to hold on to...to things.Now that life is sending us on different paths...we would be lucky if we meet once a year.Then again it's just a longing.

Wednesday, June 11, 2008

exams ova !!

Aha...at last it ended ..end of a perfect day.The head is not full of any trouble and i am thinking about doing something evil and listening to my favorite music.There was a time not so long ago when I was master of everything I surveyed,there was a time I did it my way.I'll do things my way again...it's a desire!

Tuesday, June 10, 2008

the truth..........

Everything rests upon me like the pearls strung to a thread..

Monday, June 9, 2008

anguish

he doesn't know why
he wakes up each day
And continues to cry...........

Saturday, June 7, 2008

Voices in ma head...

Sometimes i hear that voice, it's talking out loud to me
Sometimes it whistles while i am walking How could it know any better?


Friday, June 6, 2008

Gobbled by Cryptography..

Got late in reaching the examination room.As soon as i read Question paper,at first i wanted get up and start screaming but, i coudn't move i felt like i wuz pariliyzed . finally i started writing in my answer sheet but the hand was just not moving fast enough on the sheet ,i tried but the answers would just not come ..but i carried on writing anything related to question i knew for half an hour or so and then it started again... a few pauses...then i couldn't stand it ! i wanted to get out so bad but i couldn't i had to stay in examination room till 1:oo ( thats when the examination was ova).
so thanx 4 reading i had to let my feelings out on the fact this just happened last day!And i am totally disappointed with myself !Cryptography exam went so bad..though i am calm. Kinda like the calm before the storm. So, this is the worst I’ve ever felt after giving an exam and this was most definitely the worst thrusday of my life. I'm just still in shock that I went through this, I'm actually angry at myself.
I am not going to pass this one i think...and miracles don't exist in ma dictionary.
How could i do good in exams when 97% of my brain is devoted to global domination… I purge all irrelevant information to make room for the important stuff… like how to breath and such. Unfortunately, this means there’s no room for anything else in my head.

Wednesday, June 4, 2008

Bad Day Today...

Bad Bad day today..i should have know that it was temerarious to believe in our teacher.
Teachers in my college are so fallible and i am absolutely candor in saying that.
i am always so lissom in action but this time i was caught sleeping.
it's nettlesome & eliciting my anger which i am not going to repress.It's not that i abominate them,well i do but a little less , it's just that i lost around 60 marks in today's exam because of our teacher's stupidness.

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