Wednesday, August 26, 2009

Cleaning cobwebs

When it rained,
He wished he was home.
drenching on the terrace,
crying and happy
he wanted to be at home

He came home.
It rained
He drenched n cried
He felt all alone…

Every time I get this question so what’s your dream…
I don’t know what to say…If I truly say what I want then most will not like it.
So, I say what they want me to say like a ‘CEO’ or ‘Billionaire’.
But I don’t want to be an CEO or a very rich man, I just want to have enough satisfaction in my life. For me that means I want my family to be happy, my mom and my sis. I want to travel the world with my soul mate to see all the wonders. To be able to help a friend when In need. To do half the things on my bucket list(yes, I have one, yeah, I am insane ;P).But I still don’t know what I would do to get to that satisfaction in my life. I still have not found that what I would be happy doing. All I know is the destination, not the path. I have no plan no money no job and I am still a virgin (*blush blush) . But I do love myself for being a good guy. As far as I know, I have never betrayed anyone and I know I will never.

This is only place that I feel free…I don’t care what anyone thinks about me but I just can’t stop writing that I feel like or I go through. I don’t have a personal diary that I would or may read in future but I do have –rainVille –my public diary. It’s been so long. I have missed this place a lot.

Some little changes have taken place in my life:-

I quit my job at Dell last month!

Now, a basic question that everyone’s asking me is …why? What was the reason??
Actually there were three reasons…

1.Health issues. I am a fitness freak and anything that interferes with my fitness I dislike that. Since Feb I was away from home and gym, feeling so bad for losing my physique slowly with time and then this job at Dell, the odd timings of it destroyed my toned muscles. This was the prime reason for quitting Dell.
2.No use of my knowledge. I have been studying Coding in Computer Languages for last six years. At dell I couldn’t use any of that knowledge (as if I fuckin have any ;D).I didn’t study for that long to work in a call center.
3.well there aren't any beautiful girls there ;)


I like a girl who remembers each dialogue of MPK(Maine Pyaar Kiya ) by heart. For the first time in my life I met someone who has seen that movie more times than me ;)
I don’t know when I started liking her but the day I felt that I should tell her, I did.
She told me that she still loves someone and that I should concentrate on building my career, whatever the god wants will happen. She’s been a good friend and she’s a very beautiful person at heart. I don’t like it when she cry’s and she does that a lot. Everyday, I miss the beautiful moments I spent with her.I hope that she keeps smiling all the time.

It’s coming !

Everyone has this fuckin bad side to them, The one that’s responsible for the untold secrets, the dark side, taboo, things that u don’t want to talk about. It’s forbidden, against the rules and that makes it tempting. He has this evil inside of him too. The fuckin flip-side of the coin. Which he kept and still keeps on suppressing everyday. But it’s getting stronger and he feels that. He can sense a big change in coming days. Sometimes he sees glimpses of him in things he has done. He wants to stop it, But it’s inevitable now.
Maybe this will be a good thing.

Now I need to end this super long post,I don’t know when I’ll post next or come to visit your blogs.I am too busy thinking ,planning and sorting stuff in my life. But, I can fuckin promise u one thing…I am not leaving, still a lot of juice left in this boy.

Have been reading ‘Joan.Konner.The.Atheist's.Bible’…

I found an interesting quote in REVELEATIONS chapter by anonymous…

I believe in God;I just don’t trust anyone who works for him.


  1. hey bro, i dont know how it happened, but ur post sound same as one of my scared post (i never published)... it seems u have selected few lines from it.. from Crush to her tears, from making family happy to going around d world, from bucket list to no plans, it sounds exact.. may many other too go through d same path.. :-)
    hoping everyone reaches d end...

  2. In life it is very important to be happy and content, and strangely positions, money and material don't really contribute much to attaining either of it!

    I wish you good luck as you move ahead in life and also pray that you realize your true dream and calling in the times to come, that which will eventually make you a happy person, unconditionally!

  3. ahem ahem... You did succha a lott of things... eh? And for the reason pts 1 & 3, a punch on your face :P
    Bdw, still a virgin? :O I dont really believe this :D
    Keep the juices flowing bdw and stay well, cheers. :)

  4. Pal, maybe naive thing to say, but I read that you want a lot of things, but never mention wanting the satisfaction of the present moment; always something in the future, or recovering something from the past. Focus on the present, as you did when you quitted your job due to a strong need of the Now. You, me, everyone has enough lessons about the need of focusing on the satisfaction of the Here and Now, right now, right here. Listen to the flow of events, you are the center. Disregard anything turning into personal dogma. That's only my two cents coming from my personal experience, and obviously not more personal dogma.
    About coming out straight about personal truths, writing raw from the heart, I admire that and I exhort you to continue on that path, mostly because I know how hard it is to remain walking it. Many times I must, we must, refrain from talking that raw truth, in our blogs (or any paper that other person could find), because we must protect their feelings from hurt. While you're free, be free, and include being free from yourself, meaning being free from the construction of your future or recovery of your past, which is an illusion on the present. I'm not patronizing, just linking my personal experience to this other that you posted, and I wish you well.

    PS: Gurus form your land use to say that the closer to the divinity, the lonelier the path is. We live alone, we die alone, no external factor will come to help in our pain, except for our ability to give; we feel alone because we don't know how to give. So breaking free from our need to receive from the future as a mean to be able to give better in the present, is crucial.

  5. I am sure you know what you are doing :)
    If you quit the job, maybe that's for the best. Job should bring satisfaction else it is just waste of time and make you angry all the time..

    And crush? :P Just cherish the moments you spend with this girl.. sometimes they are all we have got :)

    take good care

  6. @ saurabh

    bro, you should publish it.It feels good.I want to write lots n lots but i don't have net connection at home.Soon pretty soon i will be back...

    tc bro

  7. @ rakesh

    i hope i do realize what i really want to do.Guess, it will come with time...

    thanks bro


  8. @ Diya

    ;D ouch that hurt lol
    felt good though ;)
    come again plzz ;D

    yeps still an innocent boy.
    there will be flood of juices soon
    cheers n tc

  9. Like a soft wind gently passing by! Let me say drop by warmest Hi! ...

  10. @ runnerfrog

    i am so grateful that one of your rare comments came on this post.
    I liked these two cents of your experience. I would definitely like a few dollars too :) .

    Right now i am back at home and revising all that i learned in my six years of college.Preparing for job interviews.But like all i lose focus too,future looks bleak but if i just sit and do nothing to change that then it sure will be.I am trying hard,i have to say not at my best but soon i will reach that level.

    I have nothing else to offer other then 'truth'.I know one day maybe in 20 years if i survive that long in this world ;D,i would read my blog... reminiscing about these days...and i want to read truth,so i write it down.And i agree that some of the stuff that i write here may hurt some people,but then that's how it has to be,coz i won't compromise on this.

    WOw... u got it all right.Did u study GEETA?? I have to agree with each word in your p.s.

    you are one gem of a person i've found here in blogworld.
    tc n hugs bro

  11. @ lena

    i don't know lena...i really don't know.I am just letting life pass and i don't like that.I want to do something but what is that,i have no idea.For time being i am just concen on searching for a software job.

    yeps...i have been having so many crushes lol... yeah you are right at least the memories are mine but they will fade away ,,i wish i could have them forever.

    thanks a lot for visiting...

    tc n hugs

  12. Busket List

    Keep on removing items from the list...

    Smiles :)

  13. @ Pacifier Returns

    i hope i will remove a lot in coming years. :)
    thanks for visiting

  14. Hi, V., well, to answer what you asked, I can't say that I studied the Bhagavad Gita properly, I could say I've read it, in fact the Mahabharata and the Ramayana are two of the books I've read. Also the words of some gurus, the Vedas, the puranas and others... this was only part of my vast and tormented teenage diet: poetry, philosophy and holy books (of many religions), and alcohol. Poetry because I couldn't stand the world, philosophy and holy books because I wanted to make a sense of it all, and alcohol because I couldn't stand myself.
    This soup left some memories of the content of many philosophies that I can't remember to what book they belong exactly, because I was running after an eluding "truth", and constantly moving onto another, never satisfied, and always escaping from myself... which is always wrong :-)
    Also, my interest in India took me to daydream so many times about a long visit to your country, and that empowered my related readings too.

    Take care, and keep on moving on the path of clarity.

  15. sometimes it pays to let life run its own course. At least till you recuperate. Cause then its time to take the reigns back in your hands and steer destiny in the direction you want it to take...

    Dont confuse yourself with too much of thought!!

    Hoping to see you back in action rather soon!! :P


  16. :) i guess in all parts of the world we ll find someone like us :)

  17. @ runnerfrog

    Bro, u have read so much.I guess i myself i am going through the mid-life crisis,but instead of indulging myself in philosophy and holy books,i have started to think about my family and career.Trying to focus on responsibilities.
    They keep the negative thoughts at bay,and alcohol does help a lot in sleeping.

    I hope you visit India soon :)
    It would be my pleasure to meet someone as intelligent as you.

    slowly slowly i am walking on it.

    tc bro n hugs

  18. @ Beauty and the Beast

    I am counting on what you said.
    I don't want to disappoint myself.Its high time to be someone and stop being me.

    Thinking is all i do day n night.
    I wish i could numb my thoughts for a year or so.

    i am back...will post soon

    tc n hugs

  19. @ American Desi

    Everywhere and anywhere...
    I guess nice people do end up last in today's world.

    tc n thanks for dropping by.

  20. Hi V! How are you my friend?

    Just let things be and it will come.

    About quitting your job, good for you. It's useless to stay on a job you're not happy with.

    You reminded me of Tailor Swift's "You Belong To Me" song. I hope she'll finally wake up and realize he is only hurting her.

    It was good to see you back my friend. Have a great week ahead. :)

    Life's sweets and spices

  21. You have a lovely templteee!!!!

  22. @ Liza

    i am a little lost as always. :)
    Trying to grasp the reins .

    thank you... :)

    have a gr8 weekend..

  23. @ Gauri

    thank you...
    you only like the template... ;D lol

    tc and thanks for visiting.


I haven't asked you for your compliments or pity .
If you have read and understood the post and have something to say.Be my guest.